Past, Present & Future.

It sounds like a title from that engagement ring commercial, admittedly, but I do have a point - promise.

I've realized that there are times in our lives where the weight of all we've lost hits us like a ton of bricks - for no apparent reason; well today was that day for me. I don't have them often, but when I do, it throws me for a loop or two every time.

If I could list all that I've lost, it's not a long list, but the weight of it all is a lot indeed. Not to be selfish, not to compare my losses to that of another, but just stating the facts of my life, I've lost a lot.

I lost a best friend. At the time, I resented for feeling like her feelings weren't valid, but they were. Who was I to judge their validity? So, we had a falling out and everyday, I have to live with the understanding that the person I once told everything to doesn't really know much about me at all anymore. But I hope she knows I still care.

I lost a love. It's been almost a year - but lately, it has not hurt less. There is a song, Someone Like You, by Adele. The lyrics say "sometimes in love it lasts, but sometimes it hurts instead." It doesn't invalidate that I loved, only that it wasn't made to last. It's a bitter pill to swallow because I'm human but I have to believe we are both going to be better people in the end. Or, I hope we already are.

Finally, and probably most intensely, I lost my grandpa. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes I will see the passage I read at his memorial, or see an old Ford pick up on the road, or hear something that he would say. I get flashbacks of Christmases at his house, the GeoSafari he bought me when I was 8, his old faded work jeans and suspenders, a vegetable stand like his up north, a John Deere tractor in a red storage shed and a man that so many respected, but that I always looked up to. It's not easy to remember the good things, because they hurt, too. And he is someone that, on the one year anniversary, I will honor in the best way possible. He is such a good man....and I miss him almost every day.

But, in all of this pain, heartache and loss, I have been infinitely blessed by graduating, getting into grad school, having grand new opportunities to think about for my life and by being reminded what joy new life brings. My second niece, Emma Grace was born last week. She just reminds me of one of God's little creatures. She squirms and makes noises and is a heart-melter (already - so watch out, boys!) So pure, innocent, blameless and beautiful. She is soft, and sweet, she smells good (most of the time) and all she wants is to be held and loved.

My point in all of this is - I've lost love. I've lost a best friend I love, I've lost a guy I love, I lost a loved one...but, just as a point, I still love them. Present tense. I will never stop loving them.

What God has taught me through all of this is that, if I have "held and loved" those I come into contact with for Christ, (like I do a newborn) then I haven't really lost that much at all.

I have gained. I have gained love for others, I have gained the love of others, and I have gained the love of Jesus Christ. We are called to love. It is the first and greatest command. So, if whether you've lost love or you've gained it...love is love. Don't apologize for it, mourn over love lost or wish for the love you always wished someone would give you...it's just love. It's not that complicated at all.

The Beatles said it best. All we need is love.

Have You LOST it?

You know...I've had A LOT on my mind and my heart lately. Sure, that list includes the typical life stuff - working to pay for rent, car payments, groceries, going back to grad school, working in ministry, finding the time to get things done and feeling like that list in-of-itself is endless...okay, so some of that stuff may not be on YOUR list, but it is on mine.

One thing that has really, really hit home with me is the gospel of Matthew and the book of Romans. I think there is a lot that Jesus says that directly correlates with Romans Chapter 12.

Matthew 10:39 says:

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

When I first read that, I was so confused. But, I think I get it. The first part, "Whoever finds his life will lose it..." This has a double meaning...the more obvious one points out sin.  If we find our life in this temporary high, this life, these moments - in those things of the sinful nature: idolatry, fits of rage, drunkenness, sexual immorality, discord, rage, anger, then we're going to lose it. Hear that, we are going to lose eternal salvation by turning the other cheek to Christ.

I think there is also a more hidden explanation for that part, too that is explained by the second part, "Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." 


So, think about the word lose in terms of this verse; the first time, we are told if we lose our lives we are actually losing salvation with Christ...but, if we lose our lives hear me now, for HIS SAKE, then, we gain salvation and favor...we find life...eternally. 


Essentially, we lose either way...we either lose our lives now, or we lose them later on judgement day. Which one do you think produces good fruit? Which one reaps the eternal reward, while the other just breeds selfish necessity? Which option glorifies God and His Son, Jesus, who lost everything for US - sinners. (Albeit, redeemed by His blood). Which form of loss shows submission, humility, authority, understanding and transformation? If you're still confused, consider this. 


It's a memory verse for a lot of us who have been diligently studying Romans in Sunday School class.


Romans 12:1-2...


Therefore, I URGE you brothers (and sisters) in view of God's MERCY, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God. This is your spiritual act of worship. DO NOT CONFORM any longer to the pattern of this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and PERFECT will. 


So, this tells me quite a few things...we should lose our lives now to gain the ultimate life later...lose your life for Christ's sake...why? We were called to. He was NAILED TO A CROSS for our sins...and we think we can go on sinning - Romans tells us BY NO MEANS. Look at what this verse says!

• Paul is URGING us. Why...is urgency something we should take lightly, by no means! Paul is exhorting us, pleading with us because it is that important...
• God's mercy - in view of God's mercy, his sacrifice, His son's sacrifice - that should be more then enough of a reason!
• If we offer our bodies as living sacrifices, we are - what does it say? Holy, and pleasing to God. Wouldn't  you love to hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant?" I know I would.
• Do not conform...be transformed - God did not call us to be of the world...but of His mission...how can we do that if we do not allow a spiritual transformation into someone who He can use?
• By the renewing of your mind - His mercies are new each morning (Lamentations 3:22-23, I believe). Renew, everday, re-new. New....we are new creations!
• Then! - we cannot test and approve what God's will is unless we what first? The word then in English grammar implies that we have to DO something, take action before something else can happen.  So, DO NOT conform, DO be transformed. 
• THEN, we can approve GOD's GOOD, PLEASING and PERFECT WILL. 

God has been layin' it on my heart lately...in ways that I have never even imagined. And yet, I still tend to get so caught up in daily chores and lists like I wrote out at the beginning of this post. How in the world do I get so stressed out when I have something like this sitting in front of me - God breathed, just waiting for me to listen and to open my eyes.

Back to Matthew 10:39:
When we are transformed by the renewing of our mind - people notice. When we LOSE our lives and GAIN Christ's...the world wonders. Some may rebuke us, some may embrace us, some may call us, weird, crazy or out there. Well, so what? I have had the privilege of spending quite a bit of my not-so-existent free time in one on one time with some of my girls - and I have been SO blessed in it. It makes me frustrated, I must admit, because that is ALL I want to do. They are a large part of the reason I wanted to study ministry and work in college ministry - because I was that girl, and still am. And because we are called to serve one another in Romans 13...let no debt remain outstanding except for the debt to LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Man, my time with my girls is so blessed and encouraging...it's an annoyance that life stuff gets in the way, but God has a purpose for that, too. 

The point I am trying to make is this. If we put down the 42965092495 different distractions that we have everyday to be transformed, to lose our lives for Christ, then we are going to win souls for Jesus and build relationships with each other that cannot be formed in any other way, that will spur us on in ways we cannot imagine. 

People are losing their lives (salvation) because we as Christians are not willing to lose our lives.  

We are called to do that in the Greatest Command, the Great Commission, by Jesus' own words in Matthew 10:39, by Paul who was a former Christian persecutor in many of his letters...so, what are you waiting for? Your college campuses, your workplaces, your friends, your family - they are begging in God's timing to be told about the life that you have in Christ; they are ready to lose everything they have to find Him (like the pearl of great worth to the man in the field).

Are you ready and committed to losing your life? Are you prepared to be sold out or as I like to spell it "souled" out for the Christ...? 

If not, what's holding you back?
I'll give you a hint: it will never, ever be God! (: