Fear Factor.

Let me be somewhat transparent for a moment. These four weeks have been tough...I have been getting real with everything I never realized about myself before. I've dug deep and wide inside my heart and my soul to try and understand exactly how I got to where I am today, in this moment. The search by the way - it's far, far from over. Is it terrifying? Yes. Is it eye opening, yes. Is it difficult? YES.

I've learned something so far, though; we let fear define us, instead of being defined by faith. Think back, how many times in the past month have you done, or not done something because of fear? It doesn't matter if you feared success, or you feared failure, or if you feared being wrong or you feared being right.  Any way you spin it, you are afraid.  That fear factor has a way of making us uncomfortable. We fear, fear. So instead of facing  fear and doing something that might make us get outside of our cozy little corner and fight for our lives, we back down and pull the covers over our eyes, expecting the result when we emerge to be something drastically different. It won't be. There is no intentional desire in any of this.

When I realized this about my life, I hit my knees in prayer. I'll admit, I don't pray on my knees as often as I should, but let me tell you - it might be one of the most vulnerable positions I have ever been in.  However, it is quite possibly the only way we will be capable of standing strong.  So many times before, I would pray a sincere but lackluster prayer and ask God to move in my life. The result of that would be: God moving and me standing still as if He was supposed to do something for me. This time - when I prayed, I prayed. I asked God to move me for what moves Him. When I got an answer to that prayer - or several probable answers...I was rendered speechless.

The answer to my prayers became increasingly clear, but the question became - do I trust his directions? Do I believe in changing my life for the better, no matter what He says the cost is? Instead of expecting God to move me, God is expecting me to move! What a concept, right? I won't specify the details just yet [After all, want you to come back and read another post, right? (; ], but what He is asking me to do is to get out from underneath my cozy familiar covers, out from my comfortable little corner and actually change and grow.

Choosing to do what is uncomfortable is not the popular route. It is scary, it is difficult, it is uncertain and ultimately, it will lead to change, which, we refuse to do because we let fear become bigger than our faith. Don't let fear overcome your life - choose to overcome fear.  Don't just pray - be intentional about your prayer and actively seek out the open doors that might present themselves because of it. Embrace change - it just might change your life. It is in my life, for sure.

I encourage you to really ask God to show you what is holding you back from the fullness of life you are meant to live (John 10:10). Don't let fear be a factor for you.

Be Real. Live it out.

What does that even mean - be real?
People say that all the time...

"It can't be real," or, "You're not being real," or, "Please, get real..."

What does it mean to you? I don't want a dictionary definition.
I don't think we can be real without feeling. Definitions are not a feeling - they are words on a page.
What does it feel like to be real...is it an emotion, a physical response, a conscious, mental state of mind?

Think on it - now answer this...

What does it mean to be a real Christian?


People sometimes claim that we don't live out our Christianity - but, what does that mean for us? What will it take you to get real?

It makes me think of [John 1:14]...the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

What does it look like when we are walking, talking and serving like Jesus - when His word becomes our flesh, our breath and our purpose - when we make our dwelling among the 'us' that is this world, right now?

I think it looks like grace, truth, mercy, love, forgiveness, humility, honesty, faith, trust...it looks like Jesus Christ.


What are some practical ways to "be real" with one another and with the World?
How can we show them that the "real world" we live in isn't really the "real" world worth living for?

I think being real starts with being honest with yourself.
Only when you are willing to face who you are in God's image will you understand how to be real with people, and to stay real. The kind of real that matters.

 It's not about how the world labels you.
It's how much you learn and value yourself (humbly, albeit), the way that God values you as His sons and daughters.
We were commissioned to be real. It is the great commission.
Will you be real?

Be Honest with Yourself.

I found a blog post I'd written a few months ago; on it, my last statement was "What's holding you back...?" I realized, when I write these posts, I'm writing them to you...but, it's so easy for me to ignore asking myself the very same question. 

Thankfully, someone asked for me this weekend. We had an amazing retreat in Cocoa Beach, FL. Crazy, actually. Crazy love from a crazy family, learning crazy trust through crazy faith.  We had the honor of four keynotes from Dave Skidmore, the campus minister at Park Plaza coC in Tulsa, OK. But, I have come to realize now, the keynotes were from God - and Dave was just trying to be Dave...not "the keynote speaker" or "the campus minister" although he does have those roles.

 

Well, here's the honest truth. I'm not good at being honest, well at least not with myself. Honesty, and I mean true, deep down to the heart and the soul honesty...it hurts. It is everything you don't want to heal from, deal with or change. But, we cannot change or heal what we are unwilling to acknowledge...so...that leaves me personally with denial, stagnancy & complacency. How depressing does that sound?! 

1. What's holding you back?
2. What's it costing you?

3. What are you afraid of?

Three questions. So much impact. We talk so much about counting the cost of baptism. Don't get me wrong here, I know that is something that all new Christians need to understand and accept. But, what about Christians who are walking the faith now? Aren't we to count the cost of what holds us back from being emptied before God to be filled with the good stuff? I know I haven't. Fear has paralyzed me from being able to deal with what's inside of me...but, if I don't love me - I can't give love to others. I can only give what I have, right? So, it was time for me to ante up and deal with it. 

Things change when they are verbalized. When I said out loud all of the things that I was unable to express for so long...I felt something. Something more than just human robot status...I remembered that it's okay to feel. And it's okay for that feeling to be validated and accepted by God. I know that it won't happen overnight; the process is continual - but at least I've gotten started.

So...this is my moment, and I own it. 

I'm done being "grad school Lauren" and "FB Lauren" and "Student Intern Lauren" and "Leader Lauren" and whatever hat someone has put on my head, whatever role they carved out for me. Instead, I desire restoration...to just...be me again. To be a follower of Christ. When me is enough, God is going to do amazing things in, through and around me...and it's not because I think highly of myself. It's because I think highly of my God.

How would it feel to be free of the burdens of our tasks and roles - and own who we are created to be in God's image, knit together before we even knew us, by the God who created the universe?  He creates something, and he fills it. I want to be filled with Him.

Own your life...not the life that others want for you. Own your title...we are sons and daughters of the Most High.

What could you do if you knew God would always show up for you? I know I can be a world changer.

Change yourself, and change the world. 

Busy Bees don't always make honey.

Admittedly, it's been awhile, hasn't it? About six weeks or so was the last post; wow. I guess that's a good indicator that grad school has picked up its pace, work has continually been happening and our ministry is in FULL swing now; we have an upcoming retreat in Cocoa Beach, FL this next weekend and a HUGE "funnel event" (Humans v. Zombies) to run on USF's campus; oh, hey yeah, and all the other regular events we have nearly every day of the week.

I love it. I get tired, but I feed off of this; meeting people, reaching out, building relationships, having fun, man...it's a rush, both LITERALLY and FIGURATIVELY. Sometimes, I'm surprised I can keep track of where I should be when I should be there - the inventor of the modern day planner, and the smartphone is a genius.

However, I realized tonight...we can quote Matthew 6:33 over and over and over again, but how many times do we honestly surrender to what it says?

"But, seek FIRST HIS KINGDOM AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS and all these things will be given to you as well."

In the preceding verses, it talks about how the pagans worry about what to wear or what to eat; sure those are basic necessities, but we worry about other things, too. Can I get my homework done? Why do I feel like I'm working so many hours? Will my to-do list ever get any shorter? Why don't I just have more time, or more sleep...? I mean the questions we ask ourselves go on.

Think about some things that you worry about...we keep ourselves so busy - compartmentalizing our lives into school, work, ministry duties, friends, family, car...that we compartmentalize God! He cannot be compartmentalized - he is not just another part of our life that we stick with something else. He IS our life...he gave us the very breath we breathe. Sometimes, we are so busy being busy that we forget that verse.

There's a great study guide out called Seeking the Savior. In the table of contents, the first verse you see is Matthew 6:33...no coincidence there; even if you're a Christian now - don't you think it would be a good idea to apply that verse to life and live it out, not just simply say "oh, yeah, I know that verse." I am guilty of it, too...do not count me out of it.

God cannot be compartmentalized. He is the whole foundation...holding all those compartments together; seek Him first. It's worth it!!

Busy bees don't always make honey...let God sweeten up your life by seeking Him first. Don't be busy with the things of this life that will pass away, seek Heavenly things...

Again I say, Romans 12:1-2...be transformed by the renewing of your mind [daily!], then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and PERFECT will.

Be blessed!

Past, Present & Future.

It sounds like a title from that engagement ring commercial, admittedly, but I do have a point - promise.

I've realized that there are times in our lives where the weight of all we've lost hits us like a ton of bricks - for no apparent reason; well today was that day for me. I don't have them often, but when I do, it throws me for a loop or two every time.

If I could list all that I've lost, it's not a long list, but the weight of it all is a lot indeed. Not to be selfish, not to compare my losses to that of another, but just stating the facts of my life, I've lost a lot.

I lost a best friend. At the time, I resented for feeling like her feelings weren't valid, but they were. Who was I to judge their validity? So, we had a falling out and everyday, I have to live with the understanding that the person I once told everything to doesn't really know much about me at all anymore. But I hope she knows I still care.

I lost a love. It's been almost a year - but lately, it has not hurt less. There is a song, Someone Like You, by Adele. The lyrics say "sometimes in love it lasts, but sometimes it hurts instead." It doesn't invalidate that I loved, only that it wasn't made to last. It's a bitter pill to swallow because I'm human but I have to believe we are both going to be better people in the end. Or, I hope we already are.

Finally, and probably most intensely, I lost my grandpa. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes I will see the passage I read at his memorial, or see an old Ford pick up on the road, or hear something that he would say. I get flashbacks of Christmases at his house, the GeoSafari he bought me when I was 8, his old faded work jeans and suspenders, a vegetable stand like his up north, a John Deere tractor in a red storage shed and a man that so many respected, but that I always looked up to. It's not easy to remember the good things, because they hurt, too. And he is someone that, on the one year anniversary, I will honor in the best way possible. He is such a good man....and I miss him almost every day.

But, in all of this pain, heartache and loss, I have been infinitely blessed by graduating, getting into grad school, having grand new opportunities to think about for my life and by being reminded what joy new life brings. My second niece, Emma Grace was born last week. She just reminds me of one of God's little creatures. She squirms and makes noises and is a heart-melter (already - so watch out, boys!) So pure, innocent, blameless and beautiful. She is soft, and sweet, she smells good (most of the time) and all she wants is to be held and loved.

My point in all of this is - I've lost love. I've lost a best friend I love, I've lost a guy I love, I lost a loved one...but, just as a point, I still love them. Present tense. I will never stop loving them.

What God has taught me through all of this is that, if I have "held and loved" those I come into contact with for Christ, (like I do a newborn) then I haven't really lost that much at all.

I have gained. I have gained love for others, I have gained the love of others, and I have gained the love of Jesus Christ. We are called to love. It is the first and greatest command. So, if whether you've lost love or you've gained it...love is love. Don't apologize for it, mourn over love lost or wish for the love you always wished someone would give you...it's just love. It's not that complicated at all.

The Beatles said it best. All we need is love.