Heartbeat.

The City Beautiful from the shore of Lake Eola

Orlando isn't called the City Beautiful for nothing. The above picture was taken with no filter and no adjustments on an iPhone camera. Man, I love this place.

This post is a departure from my normal entries in that the content is rather weighty. But, this particular subject is important. This city is my home, and I want to lend my voice to the things this beautiful city has witnessed. To the the history that - wanted or not - is forever etched on its streets.  The eyes of this magnificent place have watched in devastation as unspeakable acts of terror and violence have taken the lives of people who had so much left to give. But without pause, day gives way to night, and night gives way to day - over and over again. Regardless of how the world hurts, or cries, or mourns or celebrates, or loves, time marches on at its ever constant pace. Never slower, never faster, never ceasing. 

This week, Orlando is easing into the first anniversary of a day that history names as 'the deadliest mass shooting on U.S. soil.' Be that as it may, I will reiterate that Orlando will never be "home" to such a claim, as some news outlets so flippantly reported one year ago. It suggests that we can equate such a harrowing event with something like "Home of the Gators" or, "Home of the world's largest Pumpkin." Orlando is home to many wonderful, magical things. I however, refuse to give terror, injustice and hatred any name here. That is not the home that I know. It is not the home that I love.  It is not the home that I claim.

I want to talk about heartbeats. The kind your doctor monitors keeps your body alive. When all is as it should be, heartbeats are constant and they go forth without any conscious effort on your part to maintain its rhythm. It just beats. As long as you have breath, it beats. There is also a second kind of heartbeat, defined as "an animating or vital unifying force." That's what I think of when I think of this city. 

In the days, weeks and months after Pulse, Orlando came together as a community to raise money, donate blood, honor victims, provide financial assistance, open church doors, feed one another, hug one another and just live loved. And in the time since then, the sense of community here hasn't seemed to dull. Everywhere I go, people proudly don Orlando United shirts, pins and bracelets. There are decals in many local shop windows and neighborhoods filled with beautiful murals that both inspire and honor the memory of the 49 souls lost that day. The heartbeat of this city is its people. This ever beating rhythm carries the weight of our past with us as we walk forward with hope. In it, we are reminded who we are. Strong. Resilient. Diverse. United. A collective community of neighbors, friends and co-workers and families that refuse to forget what happened here, but also refuse to live in fear.

There are a myriad of events going on these next few weeks - too many to possibly attend them all, and too few to ever feel like it's enough. My work schedule won't allow me to participate in the majority of the tributes this week. However, I had the distinct opportunity to walk the 49 Portraits art gallery at Orlando City Hall on opening night. Out of respect for the artists and those whose portraits were displayed, I will not post any photos. However, I do highly recommend taking the time to walk through the gallery and really absorb it.  

I was particularly struck by a few things I saw.  One of the paintings was completed by the individual's brother. It gave me pause to consider what strength and courage a person must have to take on such a task that is both extremely heavy, and yet so incredibly delicate.  There was also a portrait of a mom and child that I spent some time at, and one whose eyes were painted in such vivid detail, I felt as though he could have spoken to me had I stood there long enough. I thought about all the first responders, law enforcement officers, dispatchers and firefighters that were forever changed that night. You see, I have the good fortune to be part of a law enforcement family and I'm well aware that my brother-in-law sees, hears and experiences things that we as civilians will never fully understand. Walking through that gallery was somber, but it also carries an elegance about it. A beauty that is forever immortalized by paint, canvas, lead, gold foil and the talent of some incredible artists. More information on the 49 Portraits can be found here: 49 Portraits.

As I prepare to travel overseas to the U.K. in the wake of Manchester and multiple attacks on the City of London, I am particularly moved.  These senseless acts of violence are becoming more and more frequent. There is a weariness with which I turn on the news, hoping not to hear of yet another instance of injustice in this city, this country or abroad.

I never want this sort of thing to feel normal, because it most certainly is not. The deliberate taking of human lives is not what God intended for this world and while we weep with those who weep and mourn with those who mourn, may we never forget to live our lives for those who no longer have that chance. I will use vigilance but, I will not live in fear - for both myself and those who cannot. There is good in this world to counteract the bad, you just have to believe in it, seek it out and most importantly, be the good you want to see in your family, community, country and world.  Michael Jackson said it best:

"...if you wanna make the world a better place, you gotta look at yourself and make the change."

I love my city. 
I am so proud to call Orlando home. 

May the heartbeat of Orlando continue to pulse for love as we live up to our moniker, The City Beautiful.  
Let hope rise.

"Love will always win." ❤

Solitude.

This weekend has been one of divine adventures. I've made it my goal to experience as much of this beautiful city as it possibly has to offer. Part of community isn't just being with people, but learning, trying and experimenting with things outside of your comfort zone. It's how I've rekindled a love for reading and a penchant for being outside...although I can't go without saying that the "Florida winter" has helped spur this on, too. But, as I sit here amongst the trees, birds and things of creation, I can't help but to hear God speak in the silence. I read once that silence isn't quiet, it is actually full of answers.  And the more I consider that, the more I believe it to be true.

We live in a world of busy. And, some of that is warranted. We have careers we have been entrusted with, families to care for, friends with which we desire to cultivate more meaningful relationships, ministries with which we delight in serving...the list goes on. But how often do you engage in solitude? Or, how often do you get the opportunity to spend time alone?

When I moved last year, I bought a house big enough for a roommate because it made sense financially and I'm also an extrovert by nature. But in the time since, I've lived on my own and found there's a certain peace to be had in solitude. I have learned more about myself in the quiet moments of my life then I ever could have anticipated. There are a few principal things I'd like to impart on you.

First. Solitude and loneliness are not interchangeable terms. 
Solitude to me is a spiritual discipline. A thing that, practiced over time, has cultivated a different spirit in me. There are still moments where I am acutely aware of the need to appreciate my solitude, but also find that I am particularly lonely in such a state. For so many, loneliness is very real and very tangible. Widows without their spouses, parents who've lost a child and children who've lost or, never really had, parents, bullied children, you or me on a less than favorable day. In practicing solitude, you may still be lonely. So, I don't ever want to assume that I understand the deep roots of loneliness or act like it doesn't exist - it most certainly does. But, in solitude I'd like to believe we find the Voice of comfort and healing speaking directly into our lives. In my most broken times, I have been immensely thankful for the people God sent and used to encourage me, care for me and cry with me. But it wasn't people who glued together my pieces in those seasons. They were invaluable, but it was the God of the universe in the moments when I was left by myself, consumed by my own thoughts waging war that I began the process of being made whole again.

Second. Who are you, really? 
This is a question I'm still working on. In solitude, I wrestle with a concrete answer often. I think in large part, it is the spiritual warfare that happens in me. I don't pretend to live in a perfect world as Instagram or Facebook might seem to project. Those are platforms where most of the time, we create the person we want everyone to know and to see. All of the fun things we've done, the people we've tagged, the experiences we want others to "like..." those are often small bytes of our true nature. Because as I get to know my true self, I'm not always happy with what I find. I think when solitude is truly used for growth, it is scary. Why? Because solitude exposes the ways Satan is speaking to us, the sin we're entangled in perhaps, the selfish, non-life giving parts of our personality that we hide away from the world.  It exposes in our mind, heart and soul the deep places about ourselves that even we don't want to acknowledge. But, if I have learned anything at all from this journey, it's that cleaning out and working on those parts of me allows me to subdue the flesh of my body so that I can say yes to the spirit inside of me. And I guess you can judge for yourselves but, I'd like to think it's made me more self aware, more positive and hopefully more gentle and kind to others. I mean, I don't always get it right so, that's where I ask for forgiveness and some grace. Solitude isn't a destination...we as people on Earth will never be rid of ourselves, our nature, or our flesh until we're called home. But it is something that I truly believe will teach and reveal to you who you are. There are weeds and there are flowers...but, acceptance of me...all of me...has lead to greater self-respect and self-love.

Third. You might enjoy it. 
Okay, I know. All the introverts are screaming "Yas!" and all the extroverts think I'm nuts. But hear me out. I'm extremely structured. At work, I measure in color coded spreadsheets, percentages and task lists. My home is methodically organized - my kitchen cabinets by practical use, my closet by type and color of clothing and my movies by alphabetical, color coded genre. I even use Google Calendar to remind me to water my plants. (Okay, that's also because I kill green things even with the best of intentions). It's systematically intense even for me. BUT! Wandering about The City Beautiful with only my own company, its broken my need for schedules and plans to some degree. I've learned what it means to watch families interact and see people as souls with goals and dreams and interests.

The runners at Lake Eola,
The dad telling his doting toddler about the dinosaur at the botanical gardens,
The young couple strolling hand in hand, or the pure joy in the faces of two sweet little girls from China and their incredible momma.

In them, I see stories being written in real time and it completely shatters my preconceived view of what it looks like to do life together, to live in community with one another without prejudice, to love. There isn't one definition of life together or of community or of love. Its a thousand little pixels of a bigger picture...a tapestry of moments woven into each others' lives.

So...in the silence, among the tree limbs swaying and amidst the song of the sparrows above me, I find solitude that is surprisingly full. In it, Jesus speaks. He reminds me that even He went to a quiet place to pray before he sacrificed himself on the Cross. I don't see weakness in that moment where he is asking the Father to provide another way for His will to be done. I see humility and strength, courage and self-awareness. In that moment, Jesus is fully man. And as I reflect on how this parallels my own life, I see myself not as I want to be or even ought to be, but just simply, as I am. And there's a freedom in that, a sort of soul care that reminds me how loved I am in the midst of my messy, imperfect life. And in the quiet, in the silence, in the waiting...I hear Jesus. And I embrace knowing that solitude is purposeful. And that I am far from alone in these moments.

Busy Building Kingdoms.

Recently, I had the distinct pleasure of listening to a Catalyst Leader podcast (here) with Derwin Gray on high definition leadership. Did you know he was an NFL player and now he leads one of the fastest growing churches in America? I love that. Anyhow, I came away learning more about myself as a Christ follower then I did as a leader. I also learned that effective following is, in essence, the humility of leadership.

He posed a question at the start that both crushed and quenched my soul in one fell swoop.

...Is Jesus enough?

This stopped me in my tracks. Deer in the headlights stopped. Why? Because at the same time I was interrupted by this bombshell of a question, I was also trying to create a color coded list of tasks I needed to accomplish in the next 24 hours, eat my lunch, ponder the next steps of a project at work and listen to this podcast. It occurred to me that I am busy cluttering my life with getting ahead, and they're good things, but they aren't God things.

Don't get me wrong. The blessings of Christ are to be treasured. I love my new job, I absolutely adore my friends, I have a home to call my own, I get to travel often. But these gifts shouldn't fulfill me. If these things aren't rooted in Christ, they will always feel temporal. And, let's be honest here. I'm human, so of course these things validate my feelings sometimes. That's why people always want the  best thing, why we follow the next trending topic, why the approval of others seems to reassure us who we are. They're all good things. But, they're not necessarily God things. And when I seek approval outside of Jesus, it's almost as if to say..."I'mma let you finish God, but, [fill in the blank] is the greatest of all time." (I regret that I just made a Kanye West reference...I'm not keen on him, but I  digress.) There isn't a person, place or experience outside of His domain that will ever satisfy the human heart the way that only Christ can. He is enough. Sometimes, we miss that because we're about the business of building up our own kingdoms instead of his.

I listened with singular focus for the duration of the interview and pulled out another gem that was so conveniently mic-dropped near the end.

"What does it look like to follow Jesus? [That answer] allows me to lead [as a servant] from the overflow of His life and ministry."

In my own life, I've decided it takes on a few tangible forms.

First. Knowing Jesus.
I know, I know. Seems basic, huh? But, I can't very well lead like Jesus if I don't first understand who He is. He is the I am, and he is our friend but, as I spend more time in the Scriptures this year, I'm peeling away layers of God I've never seen before. Reading through Genesis and Exodus, I've seen His hand in the background of so many stories that I always read differently before.

Second. Decompartmentalize.
When I lose conscious awareness of my nature to put things in a checkbox or on a Google calendar alert, I forget that the Spirit inside of me and the Lord of my life take up all of the available space, no matter what I do, who I'm with, or where I go. My life isn't meant to be experienced as work life, home life, Church on Sunday life, family life, etc. Those are all obligations, but they all weave into the same tapestry of my life as a whole, where Jesus is ever-present.

Third. Old ways don't open new doors.
There was a time I was immersed in full-time ministry. It is the most challenging, humbling and beautiful thing I have ever been called to in my entire life. There are seasons to this day where my heart yearns for it. But, old ways won't open new doors. Regardless of the path the Lord would have me on or what that looks like, I have begun to shift my paradigm. Leadership is not equivocal to a seat at the table, or as Hamilton might say "being in the room where it happens." Leadership is simply loving Christ's church, i.e. his people. If I get that right, then whatever doors open are going to result in productive Kingdom work...because I'm not who I was. 

Leadership begins with humility in following the example of Christ. Let your character be rewarded and allow it to precede your spiritual gifts. It's a lesson I'll be ever chasing, but as He becomes greater, I concede to become less. In this way, Jesus can take his rightful place in my life. And He is enough for me. 

Footnote: Check out a song called "Presence, Power, Glory" by CitiPointe Live feat. Becky Lewis. It speaks to the throne of Jesus in our lives. And Becky Lewis' character precedes her phenomenal musical gift. 

Invested.

Happy 2017!

Another new year means...
>> Another turn of the page on my Peanuts desk calendar at work.
>> Another 365 days of opportunity.
>> Another 6 months of me writing the wrong year on, well....everything.
>> Another season of people making resolutions.
>> Also...another year of me getting older. 😅

But, I don't subscribe to the idea of a resolution....at least not in the way they often present themselves around the New Year. So many of them are built on good intention and let's be honest, life happens. Many of you have kids, we have jobs, homes, friends....typical demands that dictate our attention. A lot of them fall by the wayside and we shrug with disappointment when we realize how distant the finish line seems to be on the ones we didn't give up doing.

So every year, in thinking about what resolutions I would like to make, I subscribe to the one word challenge. I try to come up with one word that fits many of my goals and that gives purpose and promise to all 365 days. That way, at the end of the year, I can feel good about the ways in which I successfully lived out my one word.

The first year, my word was passion.

In 2015, I was still pretty lost. Even though it had been about two years since my life fell apart (which is not a dramatization, at least not to me), I was still sort of wandering through life with no purpose. After leaving mission work in Missouri, taking a break from graduate school and going through a pretty rough breakup, I was living at my parents house and the only saving grace was transferring to my current department at work.  For the first time in my life, I wasn't in school and didn't have academic success to give me purpose. I wrestled with why God called me into ministry given the difficult circumstances with which I decided to come home. If I wasn't working with college kids...what was my calling? I also wasn't sure how to be just me again after I spent time being half of a couple....which now I understand was very unhealthy. Honestly, I felt pretty hollow and lost.

That year, I just wanted to fall in love with Jesus again. Really, I would have done anything just to feel alive and full of excitement no matter what it was. So in all I did, I wanted to find passion in what I did. It was a rough year, and I can't say I feel like I did that great of a job feeling passionate about people or work or Jesus. There were probably equal days of success and failure.

The second year, my word was pursuit.

Last year, I wanted to be relentless in pursuit of everything. I wanted to be Jim Carey in Yes man...and basically, say yes to anything exciting. So I did. I said yes to life groups at church and to doing the hard work of looking inside myself to figure out why the previous year was so difficult. The Floods encouraged me to circle my life in prayer and to find my purpose through a study by Craig Groeschel. It worked. I'm so thankful for the time I spent with them and will forever be grateful for the way they helped me pursue people, my own heart and a renewed relationship with God. In addition, I pursued my dream of owning a home and paying off my vehicle. I joined another life group when I transferred campuses and pursued meaningful friendships. I finally, with a little (okay, really big 😁)  nudge from my favorite guitar player, joined the worship team and got promoted at work.  At the end of last year...I can honestly say I was happier then I have been in a long time.

This year....my word is.....Invest!

I want to invest in my dreams.
In entrepreneurship and multiple streams of income to be debt free.
In my health.
In the mission and vision of Jesus. (People)!
In reading the Bible cover to cover.
In learning and knowledge.
In travel experiences.

So in all things, I will measure this year in minutes used wisely and investments that pay mostly non-monetary dividends.

What's your word?

Who are you, Jesus?

During this season of Advent, Christians take time to reflect, meditate on and celebrate the birth of Jesus. It is a time to rejoice over the fact that a baby in a manger, became the Saviour of humanity. It makes me think of a passage in Philippians 2:

(Jesus Christ) Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,
He humbled himself by becoming obedient to death - even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name...

I've always considered that passage as one that reminds me who I should strive to be as a Christian. In fact, verse 5 actually says, "have the same mindset as that of Jesus Christ." I'm supposed to be mindful of the position that Jesus took during his tenure here on earth. But, here's what I've always missed...

This passage describes Jesus' mindset. Not just how mine should be.

In my advent devotional (here: real.life/women), I was caught off guard with the idea that the Bible isn't about me. Sounds pretty obvious...ask any five year old and chances are they'll tell you it's about Jesus...duh. We refer to it as our instruction manual for life and in certain ways, it is. But the original manuscripts weren't written for that.

They were written to give a first-hand account to the life and story of Jesus.

The gospel writer and doctor Luke was an examiner. His account regarding the life of Christ is often described as factual, logical sequential. It's what I might equate to modern day "non-fiction." No hyperbole, no fluff...just what He observed about Jesus. In it, we read in Luke 2 about the foretelling of the birth in Bethlehem. But, as my advent story points out, it's not about the city of Bethlehem. In the Old Testament, the prophet Micah talks about the Israelites. But it wasn't about them or victory over their enemies. That place and those people have significance in the Bible only because of... you guessed it, Jesus.

So many times, countless times really, I catch myself choosing a passage or book that I like during my quiet times. I read it because it makes me feel good. I read it because I'm familiar with it. I read it because it's simple. I thumb through the concordance in my study Bible and pick out verses based on whatever mood I'm in or trial I'm facing. And all of these are not inherently bad. But, it misses the mark.

I might feel good reading a certain passage, but only because Jesus makes it good.

Being familiar with Scripture is important, but reciting and memorizing them is moot if I miss the Who they're ultimately about.

It's good to simplify Scriptures and be able to recall them when we need to, but we should never equate that with simplifying Jesus.

Topical scriptures are helpful, but we shouldn't miss the content or purpose of a whole passage, epistle or book...about Jesus.

See, all of those things I do for me start with Jesus. With his story. With who He is. With what He's done and who He has called me to be. But, in my mind they started with me. My need. My want. My desire.

The Bible isn't about me. 

All of the things I want it to tell me about hope, love, loss, pain, suffering, grace, mercy and redemption begin and end with Jesus. Don't miss that, friends.

Jesus came to earth in the most unglorified way I think he could have...in a manger, born to a virgin and son of a carpenter, not of earthly royalty or position. Yet, He is  ascended to the highest place after counting and paying the cost for our lives on the cross.

Advent is a time to remember the birth of the Savior. I don't want to miss that. Not now, not ever. I don't ever want to reduce the Bible to another book. I don't want my relationship with Him reduced to a conditional place. I don't want my prayers to become requests to a magic lamp (although I do love Aladdin, btw.)

I don't ever want to miss the gift of communication with Jesus. The gift of rest in His arms when I'm worn. The gift of serving His kingdom. The gift of worship in His name and for His glory alone. The gift of community that He is at the center of every day. The gift of His story. The gift of His birth and yeah, even His death.

I share all of this with you because I don't want you to miss Jesus, either. When you read the Bible, re-read it until you see Jesus, not you. When you pray, listen until all you can hear is His voice. When you sing, let it be His song. When you gather, let it be in His name. When you love others, I pray that you (and I), love well.

Let Jesus be the first fruit of all you see. All you do and all you are.

xx

Grace Upon Grace.

I’ve been thinking about grace lately. It seems to sprout up in the conversations I have, the Bible studies I attend, the devotionals I’ve been reading. But what is it? How do we know we have it? How can we give it to others? Sometimes, it seems like one of those “church” words that we never truly define in our lives.

“For it is by grace you have been saved through faith…and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” Ephesians 2:8

“The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus….” 1 Tim 1:14

So, grace is a few things then:


- FREE (Like samples at the wholesale clubs)
- A gift from God...I do not inherently have it, nor can I obtain and experience it outside of His design. 
- There is an abundant supply of it...from God to you and me and, if we're cognizant, from us into others. THAT'S the tough part. (More on that later). 

It should be distinguished that God presents two types of grace in the Gospel story. The first is the idea of “saving grace.” It is the grace by which Jesus laid his life on the cross and spilled his blood to redeem us and sanctify us. In literal terms, it rescues us, not because we ever deserve it, but because God is good.  It is not a grace given to all, as the acceptance of this grace implies the idea that we are no longer a slave to the world. The other is “common grace,” that is, God’s goodness extended to all people in often, 'normal' circumstances. 


So, why is grace soooo good?

In Matt Chandler's book Recovering Redemption, he explains this: 

In order for the Gospel to be good news, it has to invade bad spaces.

In other words, in order for us to understand God's goodness, we have to first understand that we are living in tension because of the Fall. We don't get to live out the perfect creation God intended in Genesis, because Eve stupidly chose to listen to that evil, vile serpent. (Can you tell I don't like snakes?) 

At this point, God could have decided that he was done with us. If you read through some of the Old Testament you'll see places where God definitely asserts his wrath upon idolaters. Utter destruction...rebellion...exile. Sounds like a zombie apocalypse to me. I digress. But instead what does he do? He sent his only Son who was sinless, perfectly God and yet perfectly man and utterly blameless to pour out his blood on a cross to save us when we did not deserve it, before he even knew us. I don't know about you but, if we're being honest, there are zero people I would make that sacrifice for that I know personally, let alone a stranger. Good thing I am not God.

But just think about that for a second...

When we were STILL sinners, Christ died FOR us. 

Do you see what I see? I see grace. Unmerited favour. Sometimes I think to myself...what did I do to deserve the grace of God in this tragedy or this wrong choice or this ungodly action? Nothing. I did nothing. And yet freely he gives, and freely he forgives.

There's one other kind of grace...it's not scholarly by any account but...it's the grace I'd like to think we extend (or should) to those people who are just outright difficult to love. 

Messy grace.

Face it. People are hard to love sometimes. 

Don't even try to deny that...because Maury Povich would tell you the lie detector determined that is a LIE. I know you know those people.

I'm hard to love, you're hard to love. Your kids when they scream "mooooom" for the 1,000 time in 5 minutes, your spouse - generally speaking, (or so I've been told. This is the blessing of being single...that's what I'm telling myself! 😂) your family, your friends who don't know Jesus, your friends who DO know Jesus, the homeless man on a street corner...the list goes on. 

If we've been given such grace, then it stands that it should naturally be extended to others. But like I said, it's messy. It's much easier said then done.

But grace with those around us...that looks like peace. It looks like hope. It looks like love.


Sometimes grace sounds like "I'm sorry," "I love you" or "I forgive you." That one is the hardest for me. When I've been hurt, wronged or feel I've experienced injustice....my natural reaction is defensive. I do not jump to forgiveness and understanding. I get distant, cold even. Maybe you do, too. Or maybe you get angry, or you gossip, or you seek payback. 

Grace says, I don't love what you did, what you said or how I feel right now, but I love you still. 

Grace says, no matter who you were, where you've been, or what kind of dirty, ugly past you have...those things do not define you. They are not your future. And I love you still. 

Grace says, no matter how tired I am, how frustrated I get and despite all the ways I do not understand your crazy self or your rash decisions or the place you now have put yourself in, I love you still. 

Grace says that even when you've made the same mistake 100 times, I'm still going to be your friend. I might not be the friend you like very much when I practice tough love or honesty...but I'm (hopefully) still your friend. I'll promise to keep it real. And yup, you guessed it. I love you still.

When I make efforts to extend grace even when (not "if" but "when") it's awkward or uncomfortable, I'm extending the grace of God from his Heavenly hand to my earthly one. I need you to give me grace and I need to give you grace. And we both need God's grace. 

Grace redeems.

It restores all things for His glory.

It accepts broken people.

It mends severed relationships. 

Grace saves us. 

I'm back...hopefully.

It's been over a year since I've posted in this blog. I guess I've been a little busy, and a lot has changed. Every now and again, I decide to start writing again; the history of this blog has been much of my journey with Christ. I do intend to keep that my focus this time around. After all, that is the center of everything I do in life. but, I also want this blog to be a place where my readers feel as if they are not alone. That is one of Christ's main goals when he is with his children. He wants us to know that we are always love and that he has been through every trial and temptation that we face. If I began to write in this blog again, it was on the condition that I too would be an open book. Furthermore, that my life, whether success or failure, would be a testament to God's grace, namely His mercy. You see, we are all flawed and God loves us anyway. His divine Word (the Bible) has all the answers!

keep reading my posts to hear a little bit more about my life, and also to see what sort of answers God has given me. It is my prayer that something I say or a situation I have faced will resonate with someone, and by putting myself out there I can make a difference.

Doing what is necessary.

Doing what is necessary...oh the sigh that comes with saying that.  And it's difficult at that.
I won't bore you with a long list of my "necessaries," as I am sure you have your own battle scars, too.

I could count a lot of things I have been through in life as necessary. I'm not talking about this stuff:

What is convenient...

What is popular or like-able...

What is easiest...

What I want...

Rarely are the things you need convenient, popular, easy or what you want to do. A lot of times doing what is necessary is painful or requires effort.

• A mother who disciplines her child doesn't want to cause distress, but she knows that the greater good will come from doing what is necessary, and best for her child. 
• An Olympian may not want to train that extra hour, make that move across country to work with a coach, or run that last mile...but they do because it is necessary for success.

The same is true for God. He wants us to have the very best, so he chooses sometimes to make us do the difficult things - the things that a selfish us would choose not to do if God was not calling us to grow. (Job 5:17). 

I have still been searching for a job here in Springfield, but I know God will provide. That's not the subject of this post. With all of my free time here, I have met some people, walked the Missouri State campus, applied for a lot of jobs and made a lot of connections. But, I have also spent a lot of time on Facebook. And Twitter. And FourSquare. And especially Pinterest. 

I am a people person. I thrive on social settings and relationships with people - that's what they call an extrovert. I re-energize myself by being surrounded with people. In my case, college students are the usuals, and the college ministry is the setting in which I excel...

Social media is convenient. It is popular. It is easy (especially with Smartphones). Connections with others. I would say it is something almost all of us desire. God can use it to make great things happen, but when Jesus walked the Earth, he met people...in person. And His life was devoted to making disciples and teaching. 

If you are looking down at your phone or your laptop, chances are you are MISSING OUT on an opportunity to fellowship with the body, meet someone new, or to grow spiritually...what would God's Kingdom look like if we all spent even HALF the time we do on Facebook actually meeting people? My guess is, very different. 

I have given up social media (save for this blog), for awhile. I need to spend more time with God, more time with His word, more time learning, growing and maturing. More time being made into the likeness of His son, Jesus Christ. 

I cannot effectively disciple if I do not first discipline myself.

I really do believe that. If I am not spending every spare moment I get reading Scripture or meeting new people, or growing relationships within the body of believers, or making myself more knowledgeable about the Kingdom so I can tell others, or serving...then I am not doing EVERYTHING I can to grow. 

What in this world is taking you away from getting to know the Christ?

Video games?

Social media?

Clubs, parties?

A personal sin...that crutch that always seems so convenient?

Apathy...?

I challenge you to do something about it. If you don't like something in your life, replace it with something better. My suggestion? Replace it with Jesus.

If you stop growing spiritually or you are spiraling downwards, you are decaying and dying. Fight. It's difficult. It's not convenient. It's not popular. It's not easy. But it is NECESSARY AND POSSIBLE. Grow upwards and keep going, never quit. Keep changing, keep replacing the bad habits with the good. Keep faith that God will help you through it. 

Do what is necessary. Don't just say you will do it...because you won't.

Put it into action.

Become a better you. 

Become a better reflection of Jesus Christ.

New Adventures...new chapter!

Well, it's been a while - and I think it's time that I revive this blog. From now on, I will use this to periodically try and keep all of you up-to-date on my new life as a campus ministry plant team member. I moved this past weekend to Springfield, MO to work with Jeff Keely and Catherine Kraus from the CIA (Christians In Action) Tampa Ministry. We will be partnering with East Grand Church of Christ and working with students primarily from Missouri State University as well as Ozark Tech and Drury.

It had been a crazy few weeks getting ready to move. I started packing up my things from the temporary spare bedroom I was borrowing from two amazing sisters in our ministry, and headed to Orlando to say goodbye to my family; that was a hard few days...but, I plan to get them a webcam so they can learn how to Skype! (:  I went to Searcy to the Campus Ministry United conference and had a great weekend learning about how to be better equipped in ministry. It was also my last road trip with the Tampa ministry - well, at least our interns. It was quite an adventure - with no flat tires or blown gears this time. I got to spend time with all of them which was a really special weekend. I also got to celebrate six months with my boyfriend - and he took me on one last set of dates on Saturday. Although it was sad to say goodbye to him, Kelly and the others - complete with tears - I know that this is my God-given path and over time, God's peace has allowed me to focus on why I'm here.

I quit my job in Florida, in faith that I would find one in Springfield before I moved, but as of late, I have had several interviews, I don't have an offer yet. Please keep praying that I am able to start working again soon...not only to earn my living, but also because I'm ready to work again!! In the meantime, I am here and excited to go walk the campus tomorrow. Perhaps I can find some students doing orientation or something? (: We are having our first outing on Friday to see Batman: The Dark Knight Rises; Jeff is even driving over from Searcy (or as I say it "Seercy"). I'm very excited about that and I'm excited to put in my membership with the church here. They have such a loving body of Christ and I am looking forward to helping plant, develop and grow a college ministry here. (Go, make disciples of all nations, teaching them to obey all that I have commanded, Matthew 28)

Catherine and I are in the process of looking for a place to live, so please also be prayerful for that. Right now, we are blessed to be able to stay with a couple from the church. Being roommates should be exciting! Springfield is an awesome town with TONS of places to eat - PERFECT for a college ministry...they love food. I've loved driving around just familiarizing with the area...drivers are so much better here than in FL, but I do miss the beach! (;

This will be a way for you all to keep up with me; I am overwhelmed to have so much love in my life from Tampa, and I can't wait to develop those relationships here, too. Since I don't have time to message you each individually, check here from time to time. I am so blessed to have such amazing brothers and sisters in my life! Be praying for CMU and for our plant team to set this campus on fire for Christ! (:

Until next time...
"Lead, follow, or get out of the way" - Lynn Stringfellow aka "Pops"
(:

Unlocked, Unburdened. (And great Ministry news!)

Let me ask you a question. Have you ever tried to open a door with the wrong key, or tried so hard to wrestle your way free of some situation, but you just couldn't? Maybe it's an addiction , guilt from mistakes in the past, a broken relationship, or something else that you have convinced yourself you cannot break free of in life. On a side note:  If you have a serious addiction or problem, I encourage you to seek medical attention or a counselor.

But, think about it for a minute. If I asked you all to close your eyes and then raise your hand if you've ever felt trapped, I'd assume that the majority of people would raise their hands in the air. We all feel stuck at some point. What if you could change that, though? What if the tedious routine of "ignorance is bliss" or "I'll deal with it later" could finally be dealt with today, and you finally felt unlocked and unburdened?

This morning, I stayed up well into the night moved to tears by a true story about a boy with autism.  Many kids who suffer from this are trapped inside of a world they cannot escape, whether they are non-communicative or high functioning AS (Asperger's Syndrome). That's about the extent of my knowledge about the subject, but I will say that the story of a boy who broke free through music and because of prayers and pleas to God filled my heart with a gut wrenching sadness and joy all at one time. He trusted God, even though he couldn't express that to others. 

So, what in your life can you not express to others?

Maybe, you haven't even admitted it to yourself. Maybe, you're scared. Maybe, you feel lost or trapped. I think at some point, we all have or we all do. Will you trust God to help you, even if the answers are not immediate...can you have faith as small as a mustard seed to watch what He can do with your problems? The God who created the stars in the sky and every creature and landscape - He loves YOU. His son Jesus, well, He died on a cross so no one else would have that burden. But, God and His son, they love YOU. We are  told that we would have trouble in this world and to take heart, for He has already overcome it.

Guess what that means?

It means God can overcome whatever is going on in your life. His LOVE surpasses all things and His grace is unending. What can He help you to unlock; what burden can his he take upon his yoke to make your burden lighter? (Matthew 11:28-30) Start on your knees. Last night, I prayed like I hadn't in a long time. I'll admit that to you. But, what I will also say is that all of the problems in my life, all of the dilemmas big and small that I was dealing with this week, don't seem like dilemmas today. I don't have to carry the weight of them, because He is already doing that. I just have to trust in His direction and follow His small, still voice. 

Note:

I'm headed to Missouri on a Campus ministry plant at Missouri State University. You can read more about it from the director of Campus Ministry United here. God has so much more planned for me and for our plant team than I could have ever imagined. In my case, I believe that it is because I allowed him the key to my heart and the weight of my past burdens. Now, my future looks so incredibly beautiful and bright! (I'll write more about what I'm feeling regarding this plant in another post).

Don't let the things of the past get to you. He is doing a new thing and you just don't see it yet - trust Him, and see where it goes. This is a personal topic, because it's something that in the past, I've had difficulty wrapping my head around it. That's not to say I never slip up and start trying to rely on myself - I do, I'm human. But, now I am quicker to get on my knees and turn the keys back over to God. He's a much more efficient navigator.

Start the change now. He won't necessarily lead you to Springfield, MO, or even on a campus ministry plant. But what I do know is that He has great plans for each one of us - the blueprints are simply waiting to be unrolled. Where might your adventure with God begin? 

It's not Him, it's you.

You know when you're watching one of those sappy romantic comedies and the couple breaks up? One doesn't want to devastate the other so they say "oh, it's not you, it's me?" We hear that over and over and over again.

You know what I think? Spiritually speaking in our relationship with God, he is saying, "It's not me, it IS you." You've had it all backwards and you are the reason that this relationship isn't working. 

Let me back up. We had a girls' Bible study last night on the first three chapters of John. We talked about how we could use that to teach someone who doesn't really know Christ about where he came from, who he is and what he does.  It got me thinking specifically about chapter 3. 

There's a passage in the third chapter about Nicodemus. He's part of the Sanhedrin (aka the religious leadership).  He goes to see Jesus because he wants to know more about following him....but he goes at night. If his friends from the Sanhedrin knew what he was up to, that he was a fan of this carpenter from Galilee, they'd ask questions and they might even persecute him. See, Nicodemus didn't want to be inconvenienced  by Jesus, but he wanted all the benefits that came with it.  He wanted to keep his relationship a secret so that no one would know. For Nicodemus, it would cost him everything. Well God tells us that if we deny him before man, he will deny us in Heaven.  Jesus doesn't want you to be a fan. He wants you to be a wholehearted follower - and sometimes that means that we won't be well liked or respected. If you're going to be in a relationship with God, it has to be public. Proclaim it, live it, don't be ashamed of it. In our world's terms, tweet it, make it Facebook official, tell your girlfriends or tell your buddies. Make Him known.

In a passage from Kyle Idleman's book Not a Fan. He writes this: 

"There is no way to follow Jesus without him interfering with your life. Following Jesus will cost you something. Following Jesus always costs something...it's a twenty four hour a day commitment that will interfere with your life. That's not the small print, that's a guarantee." (Ch 2, a Decision or a Commitment?)

So what has Jesus cost you? If he hasn't cost you much and you haven't let him interfere in your life, I'd venture to say you're not really following Jesus, you're just a fan. People who don't want to take their relationship to the next level and the next level are people who are letting themselves get in the way of knowing Jesus.  He's not holding anything back from us - we hold ourselves back from him. 

I'm guilty as charged. I've done this. I admit that. I have not been willing to fully commit to God in the past because I was too afraid I would lose my family who are not Christians, I feared not being good enough, knowledgeable enough. I didn't want to leave the "comforts of home" or the safe circle of friends that I've developed relationships with because friendships take work. I was selfish. I didn't see the relationship I have with God for what it CAN BE, only for what I thought it needed to be. 

I'm working on this. I'm prayerfully going through a program that will help me understand what I can do to make my relationship with myself stronger so I can have a better relationship with God, and other people. I've allowed God to change my surroundings, circumstances and plans as he sees fit - and it's been incredible to stand in the midst of everything he can do for us, with us and around us because He loves us. 

God is committed to the relationship he has with you. Are you a follower - or just a fan? It's decision versus commitment and the choice you make will change everything.  

The Pride Problem.

Tonight, I was talking with a few friends about pride.  I know it's a touchy subject, but if I'm correct it is also something we all deal with at some point or another.  Pride is a disease...it eats at us and makes us feel invincible, but if so, for all the wrong reasons.  It disarms our ability to do greater things and love other people because we are too consumed with loving ourselves. Almost everything, I would argue, becomes an internal discussion of "what can I get out of this?" or "how will this make me look better?" Pride does not do what we think it should. We look at it as a way of seeming confident, but sometimes the aroma is more arrogant because it is masking what we really feel.

The times I have seen pride most prevalent in my life are the times that I am most unwilling to admit my own weaknesses, but quick to point them out in others.  I'm not suggesting that it's wrong to lovingly point out pride to a fellowman - but when it is only to ignore the fact that you are equally as prideful as him, that's where it gets hazy. So why? Why be prideful - after all, Jesus says in Luke 18:14 that everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted. Who then would choose pride over exaltation? Any ill-reasoned man. See, he is also the man who thinks from this notion that pride can lead to exaltation. But, he lacks the focus on what Jesus says here - you can't have your pride cake and eat it too. God cannot be mocked.

Pride creeps in. It's not something that just appears and you can recognize it. If that were the case, none of us would have a pride problem.  I know for me, the cause of my pride was fear and laziness. First, I feared what I would find if I faced my pride and admitted that I was weak...me, weak, never! Besides that, I was lazy. Dealing with pride took  work. It took an understanding of who I am compared to God, and it put me in my place again. Fixing a pride problem requires humility (the opposite of pride) to acknowledge that it, your pride, exists. Furthermore, it then requires your willingness to do something about it. No one said it would be easy, but without it, it's not a very fulfilling life, I learned that.

So what's causing you to be prideful? How does that hinder you from choosing to live a more meaningful life instead of comparing yourself to others, and others to you? What can you to serve instead of being served? Be a blessing.

Fear Factor.

Let me be somewhat transparent for a moment. These four weeks have been tough...I have been getting real with everything I never realized about myself before. I've dug deep and wide inside my heart and my soul to try and understand exactly how I got to where I am today, in this moment. The search by the way - it's far, far from over. Is it terrifying? Yes. Is it eye opening, yes. Is it difficult? YES.

I've learned something so far, though; we let fear define us, instead of being defined by faith. Think back, how many times in the past month have you done, or not done something because of fear? It doesn't matter if you feared success, or you feared failure, or if you feared being wrong or you feared being right.  Any way you spin it, you are afraid.  That fear factor has a way of making us uncomfortable. We fear, fear. So instead of facing  fear and doing something that might make us get outside of our cozy little corner and fight for our lives, we back down and pull the covers over our eyes, expecting the result when we emerge to be something drastically different. It won't be. There is no intentional desire in any of this.

When I realized this about my life, I hit my knees in prayer. I'll admit, I don't pray on my knees as often as I should, but let me tell you - it might be one of the most vulnerable positions I have ever been in.  However, it is quite possibly the only way we will be capable of standing strong.  So many times before, I would pray a sincere but lackluster prayer and ask God to move in my life. The result of that would be: God moving and me standing still as if He was supposed to do something for me. This time - when I prayed, I prayed. I asked God to move me for what moves Him. When I got an answer to that prayer - or several probable answers...I was rendered speechless.

The answer to my prayers became increasingly clear, but the question became - do I trust his directions? Do I believe in changing my life for the better, no matter what He says the cost is? Instead of expecting God to move me, God is expecting me to move! What a concept, right? I won't specify the details just yet [After all, want you to come back and read another post, right? (; ], but what He is asking me to do is to get out from underneath my cozy familiar covers, out from my comfortable little corner and actually change and grow.

Choosing to do what is uncomfortable is not the popular route. It is scary, it is difficult, it is uncertain and ultimately, it will lead to change, which, we refuse to do because we let fear become bigger than our faith. Don't let fear overcome your life - choose to overcome fear.  Don't just pray - be intentional about your prayer and actively seek out the open doors that might present themselves because of it. Embrace change - it just might change your life. It is in my life, for sure.

I encourage you to really ask God to show you what is holding you back from the fullness of life you are meant to live (John 10:10). Don't let fear be a factor for you.

Be Real. Live it out.

What does that even mean - be real?
People say that all the time...

"It can't be real," or, "You're not being real," or, "Please, get real..."

What does it mean to you? I don't want a dictionary definition.
I don't think we can be real without feeling. Definitions are not a feeling - they are words on a page.
What does it feel like to be real...is it an emotion, a physical response, a conscious, mental state of mind?

Think on it - now answer this...

What does it mean to be a real Christian?


People sometimes claim that we don't live out our Christianity - but, what does that mean for us? What will it take you to get real?

It makes me think of [John 1:14]...the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

What does it look like when we are walking, talking and serving like Jesus - when His word becomes our flesh, our breath and our purpose - when we make our dwelling among the 'us' that is this world, right now?

I think it looks like grace, truth, mercy, love, forgiveness, humility, honesty, faith, trust...it looks like Jesus Christ.


What are some practical ways to "be real" with one another and with the World?
How can we show them that the "real world" we live in isn't really the "real" world worth living for?

I think being real starts with being honest with yourself.
Only when you are willing to face who you are in God's image will you understand how to be real with people, and to stay real. The kind of real that matters.

 It's not about how the world labels you.
It's how much you learn and value yourself (humbly, albeit), the way that God values you as His sons and daughters.
We were commissioned to be real. It is the great commission.
Will you be real?

Be Honest with Yourself.

I found a blog post I'd written a few months ago; on it, my last statement was "What's holding you back...?" I realized, when I write these posts, I'm writing them to you...but, it's so easy for me to ignore asking myself the very same question. 

Thankfully, someone asked for me this weekend. We had an amazing retreat in Cocoa Beach, FL. Crazy, actually. Crazy love from a crazy family, learning crazy trust through crazy faith.  We had the honor of four keynotes from Dave Skidmore, the campus minister at Park Plaza coC in Tulsa, OK. But, I have come to realize now, the keynotes were from God - and Dave was just trying to be Dave...not "the keynote speaker" or "the campus minister" although he does have those roles.

 

Well, here's the honest truth. I'm not good at being honest, well at least not with myself. Honesty, and I mean true, deep down to the heart and the soul honesty...it hurts. It is everything you don't want to heal from, deal with or change. But, we cannot change or heal what we are unwilling to acknowledge...so...that leaves me personally with denial, stagnancy & complacency. How depressing does that sound?! 

1. What's holding you back?
2. What's it costing you?

3. What are you afraid of?

Three questions. So much impact. We talk so much about counting the cost of baptism. Don't get me wrong here, I know that is something that all new Christians need to understand and accept. But, what about Christians who are walking the faith now? Aren't we to count the cost of what holds us back from being emptied before God to be filled with the good stuff? I know I haven't. Fear has paralyzed me from being able to deal with what's inside of me...but, if I don't love me - I can't give love to others. I can only give what I have, right? So, it was time for me to ante up and deal with it. 

Things change when they are verbalized. When I said out loud all of the things that I was unable to express for so long...I felt something. Something more than just human robot status...I remembered that it's okay to feel. And it's okay for that feeling to be validated and accepted by God. I know that it won't happen overnight; the process is continual - but at least I've gotten started.

So...this is my moment, and I own it. 

I'm done being "grad school Lauren" and "FB Lauren" and "Student Intern Lauren" and "Leader Lauren" and whatever hat someone has put on my head, whatever role they carved out for me. Instead, I desire restoration...to just...be me again. To be a follower of Christ. When me is enough, God is going to do amazing things in, through and around me...and it's not because I think highly of myself. It's because I think highly of my God.

How would it feel to be free of the burdens of our tasks and roles - and own who we are created to be in God's image, knit together before we even knew us, by the God who created the universe?  He creates something, and he fills it. I want to be filled with Him.

Own your life...not the life that others want for you. Own your title...we are sons and daughters of the Most High.

What could you do if you knew God would always show up for you? I know I can be a world changer.

Change yourself, and change the world. 

Busy Bees don't always make honey.

Admittedly, it's been awhile, hasn't it? About six weeks or so was the last post; wow. I guess that's a good indicator that grad school has picked up its pace, work has continually been happening and our ministry is in FULL swing now; we have an upcoming retreat in Cocoa Beach, FL this next weekend and a HUGE "funnel event" (Humans v. Zombies) to run on USF's campus; oh, hey yeah, and all the other regular events we have nearly every day of the week.

I love it. I get tired, but I feed off of this; meeting people, reaching out, building relationships, having fun, man...it's a rush, both LITERALLY and FIGURATIVELY. Sometimes, I'm surprised I can keep track of where I should be when I should be there - the inventor of the modern day planner, and the smartphone is a genius.

However, I realized tonight...we can quote Matthew 6:33 over and over and over again, but how many times do we honestly surrender to what it says?

"But, seek FIRST HIS KINGDOM AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS and all these things will be given to you as well."

In the preceding verses, it talks about how the pagans worry about what to wear or what to eat; sure those are basic necessities, but we worry about other things, too. Can I get my homework done? Why do I feel like I'm working so many hours? Will my to-do list ever get any shorter? Why don't I just have more time, or more sleep...? I mean the questions we ask ourselves go on.

Think about some things that you worry about...we keep ourselves so busy - compartmentalizing our lives into school, work, ministry duties, friends, family, car...that we compartmentalize God! He cannot be compartmentalized - he is not just another part of our life that we stick with something else. He IS our life...he gave us the very breath we breathe. Sometimes, we are so busy being busy that we forget that verse.

There's a great study guide out called Seeking the Savior. In the table of contents, the first verse you see is Matthew 6:33...no coincidence there; even if you're a Christian now - don't you think it would be a good idea to apply that verse to life and live it out, not just simply say "oh, yeah, I know that verse." I am guilty of it, too...do not count me out of it.

God cannot be compartmentalized. He is the whole foundation...holding all those compartments together; seek Him first. It's worth it!!

Busy bees don't always make honey...let God sweeten up your life by seeking Him first. Don't be busy with the things of this life that will pass away, seek Heavenly things...

Again I say, Romans 12:1-2...be transformed by the renewing of your mind [daily!], then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and PERFECT will.

Be blessed!

Past, Present & Future.

It sounds like a title from that engagement ring commercial, admittedly, but I do have a point - promise.

I've realized that there are times in our lives where the weight of all we've lost hits us like a ton of bricks - for no apparent reason; well today was that day for me. I don't have them often, but when I do, it throws me for a loop or two every time.

If I could list all that I've lost, it's not a long list, but the weight of it all is a lot indeed. Not to be selfish, not to compare my losses to that of another, but just stating the facts of my life, I've lost a lot.

I lost a best friend. At the time, I resented for feeling like her feelings weren't valid, but they were. Who was I to judge their validity? So, we had a falling out and everyday, I have to live with the understanding that the person I once told everything to doesn't really know much about me at all anymore. But I hope she knows I still care.

I lost a love. It's been almost a year - but lately, it has not hurt less. There is a song, Someone Like You, by Adele. The lyrics say "sometimes in love it lasts, but sometimes it hurts instead." It doesn't invalidate that I loved, only that it wasn't made to last. It's a bitter pill to swallow because I'm human but I have to believe we are both going to be better people in the end. Or, I hope we already are.

Finally, and probably most intensely, I lost my grandpa. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes I will see the passage I read at his memorial, or see an old Ford pick up on the road, or hear something that he would say. I get flashbacks of Christmases at his house, the GeoSafari he bought me when I was 8, his old faded work jeans and suspenders, a vegetable stand like his up north, a John Deere tractor in a red storage shed and a man that so many respected, but that I always looked up to. It's not easy to remember the good things, because they hurt, too. And he is someone that, on the one year anniversary, I will honor in the best way possible. He is such a good man....and I miss him almost every day.

But, in all of this pain, heartache and loss, I have been infinitely blessed by graduating, getting into grad school, having grand new opportunities to think about for my life and by being reminded what joy new life brings. My second niece, Emma Grace was born last week. She just reminds me of one of God's little creatures. She squirms and makes noises and is a heart-melter (already - so watch out, boys!) So pure, innocent, blameless and beautiful. She is soft, and sweet, she smells good (most of the time) and all she wants is to be held and loved.

My point in all of this is - I've lost love. I've lost a best friend I love, I've lost a guy I love, I lost a loved one...but, just as a point, I still love them. Present tense. I will never stop loving them.

What God has taught me through all of this is that, if I have "held and loved" those I come into contact with for Christ, (like I do a newborn) then I haven't really lost that much at all.

I have gained. I have gained love for others, I have gained the love of others, and I have gained the love of Jesus Christ. We are called to love. It is the first and greatest command. So, if whether you've lost love or you've gained it...love is love. Don't apologize for it, mourn over love lost or wish for the love you always wished someone would give you...it's just love. It's not that complicated at all.

The Beatles said it best. All we need is love.

Have You LOST it?

You know...I've had A LOT on my mind and my heart lately. Sure, that list includes the typical life stuff - working to pay for rent, car payments, groceries, going back to grad school, working in ministry, finding the time to get things done and feeling like that list in-of-itself is endless...okay, so some of that stuff may not be on YOUR list, but it is on mine.

One thing that has really, really hit home with me is the gospel of Matthew and the book of Romans. I think there is a lot that Jesus says that directly correlates with Romans Chapter 12.

Matthew 10:39 says:

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

When I first read that, I was so confused. But, I think I get it. The first part, "Whoever finds his life will lose it..." This has a double meaning...the more obvious one points out sin.  If we find our life in this temporary high, this life, these moments - in those things of the sinful nature: idolatry, fits of rage, drunkenness, sexual immorality, discord, rage, anger, then we're going to lose it. Hear that, we are going to lose eternal salvation by turning the other cheek to Christ.

I think there is also a more hidden explanation for that part, too that is explained by the second part, "Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." 


So, think about the word lose in terms of this verse; the first time, we are told if we lose our lives we are actually losing salvation with Christ...but, if we lose our lives hear me now, for HIS SAKE, then, we gain salvation and favor...we find life...eternally. 


Essentially, we lose either way...we either lose our lives now, or we lose them later on judgement day. Which one do you think produces good fruit? Which one reaps the eternal reward, while the other just breeds selfish necessity? Which option glorifies God and His Son, Jesus, who lost everything for US - sinners. (Albeit, redeemed by His blood). Which form of loss shows submission, humility, authority, understanding and transformation? If you're still confused, consider this. 


It's a memory verse for a lot of us who have been diligently studying Romans in Sunday School class.


Romans 12:1-2...


Therefore, I URGE you brothers (and sisters) in view of God's MERCY, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God. This is your spiritual act of worship. DO NOT CONFORM any longer to the pattern of this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and PERFECT will. 


So, this tells me quite a few things...we should lose our lives now to gain the ultimate life later...lose your life for Christ's sake...why? We were called to. He was NAILED TO A CROSS for our sins...and we think we can go on sinning - Romans tells us BY NO MEANS. Look at what this verse says!

• Paul is URGING us. Why...is urgency something we should take lightly, by no means! Paul is exhorting us, pleading with us because it is that important...
• God's mercy - in view of God's mercy, his sacrifice, His son's sacrifice - that should be more then enough of a reason!
• If we offer our bodies as living sacrifices, we are - what does it say? Holy, and pleasing to God. Wouldn't  you love to hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant?" I know I would.
• Do not conform...be transformed - God did not call us to be of the world...but of His mission...how can we do that if we do not allow a spiritual transformation into someone who He can use?
• By the renewing of your mind - His mercies are new each morning (Lamentations 3:22-23, I believe). Renew, everday, re-new. New....we are new creations!
• Then! - we cannot test and approve what God's will is unless we what first? The word then in English grammar implies that we have to DO something, take action before something else can happen.  So, DO NOT conform, DO be transformed. 
• THEN, we can approve GOD's GOOD, PLEASING and PERFECT WILL. 

God has been layin' it on my heart lately...in ways that I have never even imagined. And yet, I still tend to get so caught up in daily chores and lists like I wrote out at the beginning of this post. How in the world do I get so stressed out when I have something like this sitting in front of me - God breathed, just waiting for me to listen and to open my eyes.

Back to Matthew 10:39:
When we are transformed by the renewing of our mind - people notice. When we LOSE our lives and GAIN Christ's...the world wonders. Some may rebuke us, some may embrace us, some may call us, weird, crazy or out there. Well, so what? I have had the privilege of spending quite a bit of my not-so-existent free time in one on one time with some of my girls - and I have been SO blessed in it. It makes me frustrated, I must admit, because that is ALL I want to do. They are a large part of the reason I wanted to study ministry and work in college ministry - because I was that girl, and still am. And because we are called to serve one another in Romans 13...let no debt remain outstanding except for the debt to LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Man, my time with my girls is so blessed and encouraging...it's an annoyance that life stuff gets in the way, but God has a purpose for that, too. 

The point I am trying to make is this. If we put down the 42965092495 different distractions that we have everyday to be transformed, to lose our lives for Christ, then we are going to win souls for Jesus and build relationships with each other that cannot be formed in any other way, that will spur us on in ways we cannot imagine. 

People are losing their lives (salvation) because we as Christians are not willing to lose our lives.  

We are called to do that in the Greatest Command, the Great Commission, by Jesus' own words in Matthew 10:39, by Paul who was a former Christian persecutor in many of his letters...so, what are you waiting for? Your college campuses, your workplaces, your friends, your family - they are begging in God's timing to be told about the life that you have in Christ; they are ready to lose everything they have to find Him (like the pearl of great worth to the man in the field).

Are you ready and committed to losing your life? Are you prepared to be sold out or as I like to spell it "souled" out for the Christ...? 

If not, what's holding you back?
I'll give you a hint: it will never, ever be God! (:

Blast from the Past.

Sometimes, I think we as Christians have to humble ourselves in the sight of the Lord & let Him work. We sing about it, so, why not do it?

This post has two parts. First....

I have definitely had times in the past where I have neglected to do what is good, right and pure; as Christians, we are called to live a life that is acceptable and pleasing to the Father in whatever we do. Lately, I have really been touched by some real, honest conversations with women whom I look up to and respect in their Christian walks.  So, the other day as I was watching television, the face of an old acquaintance flashed across the TV screen in a commercial. We had what some may call a falling out - for a difference of opinion when it came to agreeing on what proper faith should look like. We did not agree on what is righteous and what is wrong, what is worldly and what is Godly and that sin, is sin, is sin. To make a long story short, I was shocked because after all these months, Satan needed a way to get to me - even if it meant using a nationally broadcasted channel to remind me for that 30 seconds of everything that happened before. I felt a little discouraged because I felt as if Satan would never quit trying to get to me. But then, a few things happened. I won't name them all, but I was reminded ("coincidentally") by text message that there are people in my life who seemingly do want the best for me and that I don't have to make my past my inevitable future.

I was encouraged by two passages in the Bible - in 1 and 2 Corinthians.

"'Everything is permissible' - but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible" - but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others." - 1 Cor 10:23-24

and

Do not be mislead: Bad company corrupts good character." Come back to your senses, as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God - I say this to your shame. - 1 Cor 15:33-34

Don't be someone who is ignorant of God. We so easily think that we are invincible when we are on spiritual highs or having a good week. We still need to humble ourselves and remember who allowed that to happen.  In the situation I was in, I felt like my faith was enough for the both of us, but I have learned that we must have  our own faith apart from any other person, and that in a friendship, a group or a relationship, our mutual faith can encourage (Romans 1:11-12) each other; but, we cannot force someone to believe...and as Paul is clearly trying to explain, we should not remain in the company of bad character and destructive choices.  We affect others with our own actions, not just ourselves. Your fellow brothers and sisters are watching to see what kind of influence you can and will be - the question is, what type of influence are you choosing to have/what type of influences are you allowing in your life?

I am glad to say that lately, I have set some boundaries that change the types of friendships and relationships I choose to involve myself in.  When we allow pieces of ourselves to be given to other people as a relationship deepens, we allow them to either use it against us or help us to grow. When I think about the things that are important, I consider if the other person is also seeking God out on a daily basis. How do they love God - do they love God at all to begin with? Are they encouraging me in my walk or luring me away from it? Am I tempted to engage in any sin while I am around them or, are they sinful even if I'm not...? If the answer to these is not an acceptable, pleasing way to honor God, then why invest in the relationship or the friendship? God calls us to love Him first, then love our neighbor in His greatest command BUT, the other party needs to be of that same opinion. What fellowship can light have with darkness...?

Be encouraged to know that we all have struggles. Satan, even when we are on a "spiritual high," will try to infiltrate in any means that he deems necessary to tempt us, to guilt trip us, to pursue us and to get us to walk away from the grace that God has given us and the wisdom of his scripture to help us walk upright.  Remember which God delivered Israel from the Egyptians and Pharaoh? He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Entrust your heart and the things Satan tempts or annoys you with to Christ and you will have peace. In fact, unexpected blessings can even result from trust and faith in a God who will never let us fall if we are seeking wholeheartedly.  Walk in the light as He is in the light. The darkness has not, and will not ever understand it.