It's not Him, it's you.

You know when you're watching one of those sappy romantic comedies and the couple breaks up? One doesn't want to devastate the other so they say "oh, it's not you, it's me?" We hear that over and over and over again.

You know what I think? Spiritually speaking in our relationship with God, he is saying, "It's not me, it IS you." You've had it all backwards and you are the reason that this relationship isn't working. 

Let me back up. We had a girls' Bible study last night on the first three chapters of John. We talked about how we could use that to teach someone who doesn't really know Christ about where he came from, who he is and what he does.  It got me thinking specifically about chapter 3. 

There's a passage in the third chapter about Nicodemus. He's part of the Sanhedrin (aka the religious leadership).  He goes to see Jesus because he wants to know more about following him....but he goes at night. If his friends from the Sanhedrin knew what he was up to, that he was a fan of this carpenter from Galilee, they'd ask questions and they might even persecute him. See, Nicodemus didn't want to be inconvenienced  by Jesus, but he wanted all the benefits that came with it.  He wanted to keep his relationship a secret so that no one would know. For Nicodemus, it would cost him everything. Well God tells us that if we deny him before man, he will deny us in Heaven.  Jesus doesn't want you to be a fan. He wants you to be a wholehearted follower - and sometimes that means that we won't be well liked or respected. If you're going to be in a relationship with God, it has to be public. Proclaim it, live it, don't be ashamed of it. In our world's terms, tweet it, make it Facebook official, tell your girlfriends or tell your buddies. Make Him known.

In a passage from Kyle Idleman's book Not a Fan. He writes this: 

"There is no way to follow Jesus without him interfering with your life. Following Jesus will cost you something. Following Jesus always costs something...it's a twenty four hour a day commitment that will interfere with your life. That's not the small print, that's a guarantee." (Ch 2, a Decision or a Commitment?)

So what has Jesus cost you? If he hasn't cost you much and you haven't let him interfere in your life, I'd venture to say you're not really following Jesus, you're just a fan. People who don't want to take their relationship to the next level and the next level are people who are letting themselves get in the way of knowing Jesus.  He's not holding anything back from us - we hold ourselves back from him. 

I'm guilty as charged. I've done this. I admit that. I have not been willing to fully commit to God in the past because I was too afraid I would lose my family who are not Christians, I feared not being good enough, knowledgeable enough. I didn't want to leave the "comforts of home" or the safe circle of friends that I've developed relationships with because friendships take work. I was selfish. I didn't see the relationship I have with God for what it CAN BE, only for what I thought it needed to be. 

I'm working on this. I'm prayerfully going through a program that will help me understand what I can do to make my relationship with myself stronger so I can have a better relationship with God, and other people. I've allowed God to change my surroundings, circumstances and plans as he sees fit - and it's been incredible to stand in the midst of everything he can do for us, with us and around us because He loves us. 

God is committed to the relationship he has with you. Are you a follower - or just a fan? It's decision versus commitment and the choice you make will change everything.  

The Pride Problem.

Tonight, I was talking with a few friends about pride.  I know it's a touchy subject, but if I'm correct it is also something we all deal with at some point or another.  Pride is a disease...it eats at us and makes us feel invincible, but if so, for all the wrong reasons.  It disarms our ability to do greater things and love other people because we are too consumed with loving ourselves. Almost everything, I would argue, becomes an internal discussion of "what can I get out of this?" or "how will this make me look better?" Pride does not do what we think it should. We look at it as a way of seeming confident, but sometimes the aroma is more arrogant because it is masking what we really feel.

The times I have seen pride most prevalent in my life are the times that I am most unwilling to admit my own weaknesses, but quick to point them out in others.  I'm not suggesting that it's wrong to lovingly point out pride to a fellowman - but when it is only to ignore the fact that you are equally as prideful as him, that's where it gets hazy. So why? Why be prideful - after all, Jesus says in Luke 18:14 that everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted. Who then would choose pride over exaltation? Any ill-reasoned man. See, he is also the man who thinks from this notion that pride can lead to exaltation. But, he lacks the focus on what Jesus says here - you can't have your pride cake and eat it too. God cannot be mocked.

Pride creeps in. It's not something that just appears and you can recognize it. If that were the case, none of us would have a pride problem.  I know for me, the cause of my pride was fear and laziness. First, I feared what I would find if I faced my pride and admitted that I was weak...me, weak, never! Besides that, I was lazy. Dealing with pride took  work. It took an understanding of who I am compared to God, and it put me in my place again. Fixing a pride problem requires humility (the opposite of pride) to acknowledge that it, your pride, exists. Furthermore, it then requires your willingness to do something about it. No one said it would be easy, but without it, it's not a very fulfilling life, I learned that.

So what's causing you to be prideful? How does that hinder you from choosing to live a more meaningful life instead of comparing yourself to others, and others to you? What can you to serve instead of being served? Be a blessing.

Fear Factor.

Let me be somewhat transparent for a moment. These four weeks have been tough...I have been getting real with everything I never realized about myself before. I've dug deep and wide inside my heart and my soul to try and understand exactly how I got to where I am today, in this moment. The search by the way - it's far, far from over. Is it terrifying? Yes. Is it eye opening, yes. Is it difficult? YES.

I've learned something so far, though; we let fear define us, instead of being defined by faith. Think back, how many times in the past month have you done, or not done something because of fear? It doesn't matter if you feared success, or you feared failure, or if you feared being wrong or you feared being right.  Any way you spin it, you are afraid.  That fear factor has a way of making us uncomfortable. We fear, fear. So instead of facing  fear and doing something that might make us get outside of our cozy little corner and fight for our lives, we back down and pull the covers over our eyes, expecting the result when we emerge to be something drastically different. It won't be. There is no intentional desire in any of this.

When I realized this about my life, I hit my knees in prayer. I'll admit, I don't pray on my knees as often as I should, but let me tell you - it might be one of the most vulnerable positions I have ever been in.  However, it is quite possibly the only way we will be capable of standing strong.  So many times before, I would pray a sincere but lackluster prayer and ask God to move in my life. The result of that would be: God moving and me standing still as if He was supposed to do something for me. This time - when I prayed, I prayed. I asked God to move me for what moves Him. When I got an answer to that prayer - or several probable answers...I was rendered speechless.

The answer to my prayers became increasingly clear, but the question became - do I trust his directions? Do I believe in changing my life for the better, no matter what He says the cost is? Instead of expecting God to move me, God is expecting me to move! What a concept, right? I won't specify the details just yet [After all, want you to come back and read another post, right? (; ], but what He is asking me to do is to get out from underneath my cozy familiar covers, out from my comfortable little corner and actually change and grow.

Choosing to do what is uncomfortable is not the popular route. It is scary, it is difficult, it is uncertain and ultimately, it will lead to change, which, we refuse to do because we let fear become bigger than our faith. Don't let fear overcome your life - choose to overcome fear.  Don't just pray - be intentional about your prayer and actively seek out the open doors that might present themselves because of it. Embrace change - it just might change your life. It is in my life, for sure.

I encourage you to really ask God to show you what is holding you back from the fullness of life you are meant to live (John 10:10). Don't let fear be a factor for you.

Be Real. Live it out.

What does that even mean - be real?
People say that all the time...

"It can't be real," or, "You're not being real," or, "Please, get real..."

What does it mean to you? I don't want a dictionary definition.
I don't think we can be real without feeling. Definitions are not a feeling - they are words on a page.
What does it feel like to be real...is it an emotion, a physical response, a conscious, mental state of mind?

Think on it - now answer this...

What does it mean to be a real Christian?


People sometimes claim that we don't live out our Christianity - but, what does that mean for us? What will it take you to get real?

It makes me think of [John 1:14]...the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

What does it look like when we are walking, talking and serving like Jesus - when His word becomes our flesh, our breath and our purpose - when we make our dwelling among the 'us' that is this world, right now?

I think it looks like grace, truth, mercy, love, forgiveness, humility, honesty, faith, trust...it looks like Jesus Christ.


What are some practical ways to "be real" with one another and with the World?
How can we show them that the "real world" we live in isn't really the "real" world worth living for?

I think being real starts with being honest with yourself.
Only when you are willing to face who you are in God's image will you understand how to be real with people, and to stay real. The kind of real that matters.

 It's not about how the world labels you.
It's how much you learn and value yourself (humbly, albeit), the way that God values you as His sons and daughters.
We were commissioned to be real. It is the great commission.
Will you be real?

Be Honest with Yourself.

I found a blog post I'd written a few months ago; on it, my last statement was "What's holding you back...?" I realized, when I write these posts, I'm writing them to you...but, it's so easy for me to ignore asking myself the very same question. 

Thankfully, someone asked for me this weekend. We had an amazing retreat in Cocoa Beach, FL. Crazy, actually. Crazy love from a crazy family, learning crazy trust through crazy faith.  We had the honor of four keynotes from Dave Skidmore, the campus minister at Park Plaza coC in Tulsa, OK. But, I have come to realize now, the keynotes were from God - and Dave was just trying to be Dave...not "the keynote speaker" or "the campus minister" although he does have those roles.

 

Well, here's the honest truth. I'm not good at being honest, well at least not with myself. Honesty, and I mean true, deep down to the heart and the soul honesty...it hurts. It is everything you don't want to heal from, deal with or change. But, we cannot change or heal what we are unwilling to acknowledge...so...that leaves me personally with denial, stagnancy & complacency. How depressing does that sound?! 

1. What's holding you back?
2. What's it costing you?

3. What are you afraid of?

Three questions. So much impact. We talk so much about counting the cost of baptism. Don't get me wrong here, I know that is something that all new Christians need to understand and accept. But, what about Christians who are walking the faith now? Aren't we to count the cost of what holds us back from being emptied before God to be filled with the good stuff? I know I haven't. Fear has paralyzed me from being able to deal with what's inside of me...but, if I don't love me - I can't give love to others. I can only give what I have, right? So, it was time for me to ante up and deal with it. 

Things change when they are verbalized. When I said out loud all of the things that I was unable to express for so long...I felt something. Something more than just human robot status...I remembered that it's okay to feel. And it's okay for that feeling to be validated and accepted by God. I know that it won't happen overnight; the process is continual - but at least I've gotten started.

So...this is my moment, and I own it. 

I'm done being "grad school Lauren" and "FB Lauren" and "Student Intern Lauren" and "Leader Lauren" and whatever hat someone has put on my head, whatever role they carved out for me. Instead, I desire restoration...to just...be me again. To be a follower of Christ. When me is enough, God is going to do amazing things in, through and around me...and it's not because I think highly of myself. It's because I think highly of my God.

How would it feel to be free of the burdens of our tasks and roles - and own who we are created to be in God's image, knit together before we even knew us, by the God who created the universe?  He creates something, and he fills it. I want to be filled with Him.

Own your life...not the life that others want for you. Own your title...we are sons and daughters of the Most High.

What could you do if you knew God would always show up for you? I know I can be a world changer.

Change yourself, and change the world. 

Busy Bees don't always make honey.

Admittedly, it's been awhile, hasn't it? About six weeks or so was the last post; wow. I guess that's a good indicator that grad school has picked up its pace, work has continually been happening and our ministry is in FULL swing now; we have an upcoming retreat in Cocoa Beach, FL this next weekend and a HUGE "funnel event" (Humans v. Zombies) to run on USF's campus; oh, hey yeah, and all the other regular events we have nearly every day of the week.

I love it. I get tired, but I feed off of this; meeting people, reaching out, building relationships, having fun, man...it's a rush, both LITERALLY and FIGURATIVELY. Sometimes, I'm surprised I can keep track of where I should be when I should be there - the inventor of the modern day planner, and the smartphone is a genius.

However, I realized tonight...we can quote Matthew 6:33 over and over and over again, but how many times do we honestly surrender to what it says?

"But, seek FIRST HIS KINGDOM AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS and all these things will be given to you as well."

In the preceding verses, it talks about how the pagans worry about what to wear or what to eat; sure those are basic necessities, but we worry about other things, too. Can I get my homework done? Why do I feel like I'm working so many hours? Will my to-do list ever get any shorter? Why don't I just have more time, or more sleep...? I mean the questions we ask ourselves go on.

Think about some things that you worry about...we keep ourselves so busy - compartmentalizing our lives into school, work, ministry duties, friends, family, car...that we compartmentalize God! He cannot be compartmentalized - he is not just another part of our life that we stick with something else. He IS our life...he gave us the very breath we breathe. Sometimes, we are so busy being busy that we forget that verse.

There's a great study guide out called Seeking the Savior. In the table of contents, the first verse you see is Matthew 6:33...no coincidence there; even if you're a Christian now - don't you think it would be a good idea to apply that verse to life and live it out, not just simply say "oh, yeah, I know that verse." I am guilty of it, too...do not count me out of it.

God cannot be compartmentalized. He is the whole foundation...holding all those compartments together; seek Him first. It's worth it!!

Busy bees don't always make honey...let God sweeten up your life by seeking Him first. Don't be busy with the things of this life that will pass away, seek Heavenly things...

Again I say, Romans 12:1-2...be transformed by the renewing of your mind [daily!], then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and PERFECT will.

Be blessed!

Past, Present & Future.

It sounds like a title from that engagement ring commercial, admittedly, but I do have a point - promise.

I've realized that there are times in our lives where the weight of all we've lost hits us like a ton of bricks - for no apparent reason; well today was that day for me. I don't have them often, but when I do, it throws me for a loop or two every time.

If I could list all that I've lost, it's not a long list, but the weight of it all is a lot indeed. Not to be selfish, not to compare my losses to that of another, but just stating the facts of my life, I've lost a lot.

I lost a best friend. At the time, I resented for feeling like her feelings weren't valid, but they were. Who was I to judge their validity? So, we had a falling out and everyday, I have to live with the understanding that the person I once told everything to doesn't really know much about me at all anymore. But I hope she knows I still care.

I lost a love. It's been almost a year - but lately, it has not hurt less. There is a song, Someone Like You, by Adele. The lyrics say "sometimes in love it lasts, but sometimes it hurts instead." It doesn't invalidate that I loved, only that it wasn't made to last. It's a bitter pill to swallow because I'm human but I have to believe we are both going to be better people in the end. Or, I hope we already are.

Finally, and probably most intensely, I lost my grandpa. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes I will see the passage I read at his memorial, or see an old Ford pick up on the road, or hear something that he would say. I get flashbacks of Christmases at his house, the GeoSafari he bought me when I was 8, his old faded work jeans and suspenders, a vegetable stand like his up north, a John Deere tractor in a red storage shed and a man that so many respected, but that I always looked up to. It's not easy to remember the good things, because they hurt, too. And he is someone that, on the one year anniversary, I will honor in the best way possible. He is such a good man....and I miss him almost every day.

But, in all of this pain, heartache and loss, I have been infinitely blessed by graduating, getting into grad school, having grand new opportunities to think about for my life and by being reminded what joy new life brings. My second niece, Emma Grace was born last week. She just reminds me of one of God's little creatures. She squirms and makes noises and is a heart-melter (already - so watch out, boys!) So pure, innocent, blameless and beautiful. She is soft, and sweet, she smells good (most of the time) and all she wants is to be held and loved.

My point in all of this is - I've lost love. I've lost a best friend I love, I've lost a guy I love, I lost a loved one...but, just as a point, I still love them. Present tense. I will never stop loving them.

What God has taught me through all of this is that, if I have "held and loved" those I come into contact with for Christ, (like I do a newborn) then I haven't really lost that much at all.

I have gained. I have gained love for others, I have gained the love of others, and I have gained the love of Jesus Christ. We are called to love. It is the first and greatest command. So, if whether you've lost love or you've gained it...love is love. Don't apologize for it, mourn over love lost or wish for the love you always wished someone would give you...it's just love. It's not that complicated at all.

The Beatles said it best. All we need is love.

Have You LOST it?

You know...I've had A LOT on my mind and my heart lately. Sure, that list includes the typical life stuff - working to pay for rent, car payments, groceries, going back to grad school, working in ministry, finding the time to get things done and feeling like that list in-of-itself is endless...okay, so some of that stuff may not be on YOUR list, but it is on mine.

One thing that has really, really hit home with me is the gospel of Matthew and the book of Romans. I think there is a lot that Jesus says that directly correlates with Romans Chapter 12.

Matthew 10:39 says:

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

When I first read that, I was so confused. But, I think I get it. The first part, "Whoever finds his life will lose it..." This has a double meaning...the more obvious one points out sin.  If we find our life in this temporary high, this life, these moments - in those things of the sinful nature: idolatry, fits of rage, drunkenness, sexual immorality, discord, rage, anger, then we're going to lose it. Hear that, we are going to lose eternal salvation by turning the other cheek to Christ.

I think there is also a more hidden explanation for that part, too that is explained by the second part, "Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." 


So, think about the word lose in terms of this verse; the first time, we are told if we lose our lives we are actually losing salvation with Christ...but, if we lose our lives hear me now, for HIS SAKE, then, we gain salvation and favor...we find life...eternally. 


Essentially, we lose either way...we either lose our lives now, or we lose them later on judgement day. Which one do you think produces good fruit? Which one reaps the eternal reward, while the other just breeds selfish necessity? Which option glorifies God and His Son, Jesus, who lost everything for US - sinners. (Albeit, redeemed by His blood). Which form of loss shows submission, humility, authority, understanding and transformation? If you're still confused, consider this. 


It's a memory verse for a lot of us who have been diligently studying Romans in Sunday School class.


Romans 12:1-2...


Therefore, I URGE you brothers (and sisters) in view of God's MERCY, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God. This is your spiritual act of worship. DO NOT CONFORM any longer to the pattern of this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and PERFECT will. 


So, this tells me quite a few things...we should lose our lives now to gain the ultimate life later...lose your life for Christ's sake...why? We were called to. He was NAILED TO A CROSS for our sins...and we think we can go on sinning - Romans tells us BY NO MEANS. Look at what this verse says!

• Paul is URGING us. Why...is urgency something we should take lightly, by no means! Paul is exhorting us, pleading with us because it is that important...
• God's mercy - in view of God's mercy, his sacrifice, His son's sacrifice - that should be more then enough of a reason!
• If we offer our bodies as living sacrifices, we are - what does it say? Holy, and pleasing to God. Wouldn't  you love to hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant?" I know I would.
• Do not conform...be transformed - God did not call us to be of the world...but of His mission...how can we do that if we do not allow a spiritual transformation into someone who He can use?
• By the renewing of your mind - His mercies are new each morning (Lamentations 3:22-23, I believe). Renew, everday, re-new. New....we are new creations!
• Then! - we cannot test and approve what God's will is unless we what first? The word then in English grammar implies that we have to DO something, take action before something else can happen.  So, DO NOT conform, DO be transformed. 
• THEN, we can approve GOD's GOOD, PLEASING and PERFECT WILL. 

God has been layin' it on my heart lately...in ways that I have never even imagined. And yet, I still tend to get so caught up in daily chores and lists like I wrote out at the beginning of this post. How in the world do I get so stressed out when I have something like this sitting in front of me - God breathed, just waiting for me to listen and to open my eyes.

Back to Matthew 10:39:
When we are transformed by the renewing of our mind - people notice. When we LOSE our lives and GAIN Christ's...the world wonders. Some may rebuke us, some may embrace us, some may call us, weird, crazy or out there. Well, so what? I have had the privilege of spending quite a bit of my not-so-existent free time in one on one time with some of my girls - and I have been SO blessed in it. It makes me frustrated, I must admit, because that is ALL I want to do. They are a large part of the reason I wanted to study ministry and work in college ministry - because I was that girl, and still am. And because we are called to serve one another in Romans 13...let no debt remain outstanding except for the debt to LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Man, my time with my girls is so blessed and encouraging...it's an annoyance that life stuff gets in the way, but God has a purpose for that, too. 

The point I am trying to make is this. If we put down the 42965092495 different distractions that we have everyday to be transformed, to lose our lives for Christ, then we are going to win souls for Jesus and build relationships with each other that cannot be formed in any other way, that will spur us on in ways we cannot imagine. 

People are losing their lives (salvation) because we as Christians are not willing to lose our lives.  

We are called to do that in the Greatest Command, the Great Commission, by Jesus' own words in Matthew 10:39, by Paul who was a former Christian persecutor in many of his letters...so, what are you waiting for? Your college campuses, your workplaces, your friends, your family - they are begging in God's timing to be told about the life that you have in Christ; they are ready to lose everything they have to find Him (like the pearl of great worth to the man in the field).

Are you ready and committed to losing your life? Are you prepared to be sold out or as I like to spell it "souled" out for the Christ...? 

If not, what's holding you back?
I'll give you a hint: it will never, ever be God! (:

Blast from the Past.

Sometimes, I think we as Christians have to humble ourselves in the sight of the Lord & let Him work. We sing about it, so, why not do it?

This post has two parts. First....

I have definitely had times in the past where I have neglected to do what is good, right and pure; as Christians, we are called to live a life that is acceptable and pleasing to the Father in whatever we do. Lately, I have really been touched by some real, honest conversations with women whom I look up to and respect in their Christian walks.  So, the other day as I was watching television, the face of an old acquaintance flashed across the TV screen in a commercial. We had what some may call a falling out - for a difference of opinion when it came to agreeing on what proper faith should look like. We did not agree on what is righteous and what is wrong, what is worldly and what is Godly and that sin, is sin, is sin. To make a long story short, I was shocked because after all these months, Satan needed a way to get to me - even if it meant using a nationally broadcasted channel to remind me for that 30 seconds of everything that happened before. I felt a little discouraged because I felt as if Satan would never quit trying to get to me. But then, a few things happened. I won't name them all, but I was reminded ("coincidentally") by text message that there are people in my life who seemingly do want the best for me and that I don't have to make my past my inevitable future.

I was encouraged by two passages in the Bible - in 1 and 2 Corinthians.

"'Everything is permissible' - but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible" - but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others." - 1 Cor 10:23-24

and

Do not be mislead: Bad company corrupts good character." Come back to your senses, as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God - I say this to your shame. - 1 Cor 15:33-34

Don't be someone who is ignorant of God. We so easily think that we are invincible when we are on spiritual highs or having a good week. We still need to humble ourselves and remember who allowed that to happen.  In the situation I was in, I felt like my faith was enough for the both of us, but I have learned that we must have  our own faith apart from any other person, and that in a friendship, a group or a relationship, our mutual faith can encourage (Romans 1:11-12) each other; but, we cannot force someone to believe...and as Paul is clearly trying to explain, we should not remain in the company of bad character and destructive choices.  We affect others with our own actions, not just ourselves. Your fellow brothers and sisters are watching to see what kind of influence you can and will be - the question is, what type of influence are you choosing to have/what type of influences are you allowing in your life?

I am glad to say that lately, I have set some boundaries that change the types of friendships and relationships I choose to involve myself in.  When we allow pieces of ourselves to be given to other people as a relationship deepens, we allow them to either use it against us or help us to grow. When I think about the things that are important, I consider if the other person is also seeking God out on a daily basis. How do they love God - do they love God at all to begin with? Are they encouraging me in my walk or luring me away from it? Am I tempted to engage in any sin while I am around them or, are they sinful even if I'm not...? If the answer to these is not an acceptable, pleasing way to honor God, then why invest in the relationship or the friendship? God calls us to love Him first, then love our neighbor in His greatest command BUT, the other party needs to be of that same opinion. What fellowship can light have with darkness...?

Be encouraged to know that we all have struggles. Satan, even when we are on a "spiritual high," will try to infiltrate in any means that he deems necessary to tempt us, to guilt trip us, to pursue us and to get us to walk away from the grace that God has given us and the wisdom of his scripture to help us walk upright.  Remember which God delivered Israel from the Egyptians and Pharaoh? He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Entrust your heart and the things Satan tempts or annoys you with to Christ and you will have peace. In fact, unexpected blessings can even result from trust and faith in a God who will never let us fall if we are seeking wholeheartedly.  Walk in the light as He is in the light. The darkness has not, and will not ever understand it.

Searcy, Ministry & Broken Cars, Oh My!

Well, folks, it's been a few weeks - and let me tell you - it has been an adventure. A few of us from CIA Tampa headed up to Harding two weekends ago for the CMU Workshop: Get Lit - Passing the Torch; what a blessing to be among so many people with the same goal and purpose. Among the highlights of my weekend are Jonathan Storment's Keynote (listen here: Passing the Torch: Moses to Joshua), Patrick Mead (see links here: 2011 Searcy CMU Audio), and praising as a part of for a brief moment, and with the ACB Praise Team from Lindenwood & The Crossings Church.

Anyways, to probably the greatest lesson I learned on the trip & the story behind it. This, mind you - is a lesson I have been taught before, but apparently when God spoke it, I didn't remember, so He reminded me just what he can do with a humble heart.

We left at 5am on a Wednesday morning; on the way up to Harding which is, give or take 900 miles from Tampa, FL to there...at about the Florida-Georgia border line - my car (which is an automatic) stopped shifting out of first...result? Using overdrive to shift manually the rest of the way there...lucky for us it was mostly interstate.

I worried about it the whole trip up and the whole time we were there (despite my calm demeanor).

We left Sunday AM at 5:30 Searcy time...my RPM gauge/tachometer doesn't work. We get to Alabama and my tire basically shreds. Cue stopping on the side of the road with Kelly and Coach to change my tire to the spare, GPS navigating to a Wal-Mart and paying $93 for a new tire I did not want to buy. It ended up being a 20 hour drive home...

Long story short, the repairs on my car were upwards of $500 +labor that may dad was going to wipe out by fixing it himself; I made my parents take the car home to Orlando and I borrowed my mom's for a few days - I got a call later that week that my car looked/shifted fine and that my tachometer magically worked. Considering that car had over 100,000 miles on it and a good 7 years, I was wondering how much more money I could stick into a used car over what I originally paid, without being frustrated.

God provided. BIG TIME.

I worked out my finances and determined that with a special college rebate incentive Toyota offers recent college graduates, and a special 1.9% financing rate with deferred payments that we saw advertised coupled with a gift that my grandpa gave me to put towards "something special" aka not my student loan repayment...that I may be able to get a new car.

Well, I now own a beautiful 2011 Toyota Corolla S with upgrades and a pretty legit looking spoiler & sport front end, it's my baby, and I'm so blessed to have it. May I use it, ENJOY it and remember God's provision for me. And if that wasn't enough, I am now able to work more hours at work since we are short-staffed right now - I'm telling you people....when you give it to God WHOLEHEARTEDLY, He is not a God who delays in giving blessings to His children.

It is my first "adult" purchase in which I am responsible for a huge investment; it has taught me to sacrifice things I used to take for granted (Qdoba, Wendy's, Steak n' Shake...) and appreciate how our Father loves us and helps us to mature in life - prepared for every good work. Just like my first new car here, I have a new start. :)

Also, I passed my Harding class with an A. Praise God for that, too.

I've had a very good week so far, been able to spend time with and talk with some special people in my life and also some girls that I love and adore, and...

Plus, tomorrow, my girl Careda and girl Becca are joining me for FREE QUESO WEDNESDAY at Moe's.


God is good [Romans 12:1-2]
Memorize it.
Learn it.
Love it.
Practice it.

Transition.

I want to talk about transition. It's an ever-occurring theme of my life right now...graduating from USF, beginning coursework at Harding's Center for Advanced Ministry Training, my job, the search for a new apartment and place to call home, even a new chapter in ministry in CIA Tampa with Randy & Yvonne - it is all transitional. 


More about my new journey through Harding at the CAMT, though. 


In Colossians 3:22-24 we read: 


"Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. ²³ Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, ²⁴ since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."


I see two things here. First, what we do has to be in sincerity of heart and reverence. The second thing and I see as most important is in verse 23. Work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men; sometimes in life you might agree that it becomes a task-oriented to-do list...even going to school. 


But, I stepped back and said, you know - it's going to cost time, and money and energy & more brainpower that, after 16 years in school - I don't know if I have left! Funny thing is - that's not the purpose of the program; I'm going [back to] school and allowing that experience to mold me for more work in the Lord's Kingdom - to work for Him. All of these variable inputs are nothing compared to the output of a greater mission...even if it means more college. :)


Another thing about sincerity and reverence...flip to 2 Corinthians 2:


¹⁵ For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. ¹⁶ To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life. And who is equal to such a task? ¹⁷ Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, as those sent from God.


You can read this for yourself -- some are saved, and the rest are perishing...to one, we bring an aroma of  death, the other, life.  Think about the transitions in your life today -- are they leading you closer to Him and His purpose?  Which aroma should we be as Christians and, the work that we are doing today -- is it to please men, or to please the Lord?

At the end of it all - for me, I want to hear "Well done, good and faithful servant." Do I think I'm going to do so perfectly? Ha, absolutely not! But, if I'm going in the same direction Jesus is, I think I've got a right idea. I am excited to start this new journey - to be able to gain practical ministry skills with Randy & CIA Tampa; I am even more excited about what my future might hold in the way of Campus Ministry and being effective in that mission field - one that changed my life - see My Story for more about that. I also hope to work closely with Lynn Stringfellow & CMU to help change the lives of others as I progress through this process.

Final Thoughts: 
Transition is a part of life - in fact, I think that life is one big series of transitions...but, as I said in my Mission Trip post, someone wise reminded me - Jesus is never transitional; so, stop looking around and start to look up.

Mission Trip '11: Faithbook - Connect, for Real.

Man. What a crazy two weeks it has been! I just got home from a Mission Trip with inner city kids from Norman/Tulsa, OK. To be entirely honest, there are a lot of things that transpired before the trip that made me reluctant, scared and just plain resistant to go. But, I went. Here's the shortened condensed version.


Our Mission Team from Tampa, Corpus and Miami all arrived at camp Saturday and had the evening to prepare things for the kids.  We had communion Sunday morning and the kids arrived at 4:30 in the afternoon;  Man, what a crazy week; we deal with attitudes, homesickness, and many other "typical" problems, but then, Tuesday hit. We got pelted with a big hailstorm that scared a lot of the campers, and looking back, some of us counselors who have never experienced that! Turns out, a big tornado that knocked out power to thousands jumped over us and hit all around us...praise God that He watched over us during that.  We lost power for a little less then a day, but what astounded me is the positive attitudes throughout the heat, lack of running water, bathroom conditions and just plain "annoying" situation.  By Thursday, I got to study with three precious girls, and many other counselors studied with several others; we had four baptisms at camp that I recall and three more at Contact Church on Sunday, and one of our Mission Team counselors also was baptized at the Lake (I just got the text message!)


The counselors, those kids, the weather and the difficulty of camp itself tried my patience, my attitude, and my humility, but by Friday when we had to send the kids back home, I got very emotional for a few of my girls.  It's very difficult to build bonds in just four and a half days, but God allows it to happen...and it rips your heart open to see them commit to Christ, to love, to laugh and to just be kids for a week at the end of it all. I am forever changed...it is all LOVE.

2 Corinthians 3:3-6 - You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

Not only did the Spirit work in the Mission Team to give life to the kids, but, the kids gave life to us, too. I could write a short novel or fill my blog with post after post about my experience at camp, but all I can say is that I came home with the perspective that the Spirit gives life continuously. If I can make it through camp, then all of the tough life choices I have are not tough at all. I have the answer now...it doesn't matter that I don't know where I am moving, what job I will have or what will happen with my Master's Degree because the answer is the road(s) that will lead me closer to God. :) He already has the plans, I just don't know them yet. Everything around me has been transitional, but thanks to Clint's gentle reminder, Jesus is never transitional. If we are to look up to Jesus, then we never have to fear what comes next. Will we? Sure, it's human nature, but how relieving to know we don't have to fear!


We also got to see Lynn & Carol's house and it provided for me at least, some much needed closure to see that they are not as far away as it seems; they may be far in distance, but never in heart. I know that God blessed them in an incredible way with that house, and that they will use it to glorify Him even further. Their example is one that teaches me that walking in Faith allows us the freedom to believe that God will always provide for our needs. Afterwards, we headed to Lake Tenkiller for some traditional detox R&R and Big Daddy's! Being out on the boat, I opened my Bible and started reading 2 Corinthians...the first chapter tells us that He is the God of all comfort, and through Him it overflows. How comforting it was to sit and feel the sun, and hear the wind and just be still.  It was beautiful there; I'll add a picture soon...God's natural creation is so incredibly peaceful and gorgeous. 


I am exhausted, but ironically, so very refreshed and renewed.


This week, I had to display all of these things to those children:


Love,
Joy,
Peace, 
Patience, 
Kindness, 
Goodness,
Faithfulness, 
Gentleness,
and Self-Control. 


But, in turn, I also received those blessings in my life through them, through bonding with the Mission Team and through His grace and Spirit speaking to my heart. Against these such things, there is no law -- and no end to how many blessings they bring when we allow them to work in and around us. 


Next on the agenda: on the road again for Searcy, (oh I'm sorry, "Seercy")in two weeks for the CMU Workshop -- Passing the Torch and Getting Lit! Excited and looking forward to growing more in ministerial leadership and learning yet again from some very wise souls. 


God is Good. :)

Dazed but, not Confused.

You know, over the past month, I forgot this thing existed; life has gotten the better of me - graduation, summer classes and the "trying-to-figure-out-how-to-be-an-adult" phase. Scary.


But, I've learned something. Faith is not a place. Faith is not one group of people. Faith is not one church. Faith is not definitive. But, faith must be our own and not that of someone else's. I think what I have realized the most over the past few weeks is a little life mantra I should start living by.


Life goes on.


My grandfather's passing is still internally difficult to cope with, but life goes on.
I graduated, but I am still stuck in one summer class, and life goes on.
So, I have to pay back student loans, and I only work part time, life goes on...


And you get the picture - no matter the circumstance, the problem or the joy, life goes on - time does not stop. And God, who is almighty and powerful is there for every step, every stumble and every "aha" moment, so we needn't be afraid of failure or inconsistency in life. Nothing in life is constant except for God, and time.


So, I'm at a crossroads, and I've been praying about it. In the end, whatever I do, wherever I'm going and whoever it's with - as long as I love God, remember what he taught me and know that I have a whole life ahead of me, who cares what happens? (James 1:25) People will have opinions, I will have opinions. Sometimes, the greatest lessons are learned by taking the path less trodden by others.


So, as a tribute to Jason Aldean - "She's okay not knowin' who she is or where she's goin' cause she's young...and the world, it's wide open." <3

Dazed and Confused.

You know those times when you just feel like you're not you...? Like you're walking around watching your life happen from behind a glass, but feeling immobile and incapable of actually changing it? That's how I feel.  This past week, and the few to come have tested my emotional capacity in a way I didn't think existed. My grandfather passed away last Wednesday, on the 13th. At least it wasn't a Friday. (Not that I believe in superstition, but, ya know). Anyways, you know that saying "Two things in life are certain, death and taxes." Ironically, my grandpa passed away while going to get his taxes filed...


Funny, right?


Humor is honestly the only way I kept from losing it when I found out -- although, I eventually did lose it. Anyways, there are a lot of feelings that go along with the grieving process; for me, it's guilt for not going to see him three weeks ago when he was in Florida, assuming I would see him this summer, and now, knowing that I will never get that chance. I felt overwhelmed, confused, but understanding of his age and health condition. I felt extreme sadness because he was my last and only living grandparent I ever knew.  I felt loss, hurt, you name it. But, funny enough, I was angry. I was angry at myself -- knowing full well it wasn't my fault, and angry at God when I had no right to be. I selfishly wanted him back because I wasn't ready to let him go just yet. I didn't consider that in Heaven he is now rid of his pain, made perfect and healthy again, and joyful - that dry humor, story telling funny guy the five year old in me so vividly recalls.


Anyways, the point of me telling you this little anecdote is this.


Grieving is part of being human. God created it, just as he created things that bring us joy, but He, the creator of everything can turn our mourning into dancing, and sorrow into joy...and He never leaves us. So, even though I had to sacrifice financially to fly up north for his memorial, and I am stressed about leaving the weekend before a final that I have to pass for a class I have taken twice, and I am afraid of feeling too much, or feeling nothing at all...he is with me, never to forsake me.


I have written tidbits of many verses in here, and Colossians 1:29 - I labor with all of His energy which so powerfully works within me...yeah, I have finals coming up, I have a job, responsibilities and commitments and sometimes, I feel like little me, one person, cannot possibly do it all. But it's His energy that works in us, not our own...working on your own will is like trying to drive a car without a battery. You're not going to get very far. Life brings us hard times, but it's what we choose to do with them, how we respond and who we choose to trust and lean on (God!) that determines the power to get back up and keep going when all we want to do is eat several pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream while subsequently watching movies with Ben and "Gerry" (Barnes and Butler). That one's for you, Katie. =)


If you're experiencing a life hardship or loss, know that He is not walking beside you because He is carrying you. He never left; if you feel abandoned by God, it's not God who walked away, it is you.


A tribute to the man who taught me about the greatest command by living it: love one another as Christ loves you.


Love you, Grandpa...I promise, this is only goodbye for now. Save me a spot in that mansion up there, right next to you. I bet you're already watching game show network =)

Plundered Plans or Prosperous Alternatives?

"They say, if you wanna make God laugh, all you've gotta do is tell Him your plans." - Clay Aiken

-------

It's funny. People keep asking me the same question over and over again lately...what do you want to do when you finish college? What are you doing with your life? What are your career plans? What about the future...? What do you want to be when you get older? -- Okay, hold the phone. Older? I feel like I'm five years old and people expect me to respond with "doctor/surgeon," "lawyer," "firefighter" or any other cool stereotype.

What I want, honestly is to not be faced with knowing what the future holds.  Walls are concrete objects, tangible and touchable. My future is not quite so - it's an idea, a concept...something I am striving to become or to achieve. Right now, though the good news is that I can do exactly what I want to do and figure it out as I go along.  What you have to understand about me saying that is that I am a planner; as laid back as I can be, I need to know exactly what's happening, when and why it will take place and what part I play in that situation.  I worry about little things, but, I don't worry about my future...you see, God has that all planned out for me.

Okay, so I know some of you are probably reading this going...well, I'm going to stop reading because this is about to become a post about God. Well, sorry, no consolation here, friends. I warned you. You see, that's just it.  God is the goal, God is the future. For all of you who keep nagging me about what I want to do in life, that's easy. Glorify God. What I want to be when I get older, you say? Well, here's the answer. God is what I want to be like when I get older. 

To be honest, I hope you read the rest of what I have to say if you stopped here...when I heard this, it began to change my life.



Jeremiah 29:11-14For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you.

See, I don't know what I am doing. I know that I am graduating in May, finishing my undergraduate/Bachelor's Degree in August and then Lord willing, getting a Master's Degree in Ministry.  See, that is God's plan. I know this because I know the person I used to be...and I know she would have NEVER agreed to any of this given the choice. This isn't the life I ever envisioned for myself. I wanted to be married, have started a family and settle by the time I graduated from college. To top it off, I probably would have worked in some mediocre 9-5 job not really making a true difference. Well, since all that isn't happening, clearly Someone had better plans - ones that made a whole lot more sense, and it wasn't me. See, I talked about being a child earlier - and we are God's children, so when we seek him wholeheartedly, he makes the game of hide and seek easy - he leaves breadcrumbs, because he wants us to find him! He even represents the light! God isn't going to go hide in some dark, musty clothes closet. That's just not who He is.  

So, I don't know where the wind may blow me two years from now, and what God has in store, but I do know two other things.  This peace of being uncertain - that comes by FAITH STEPS, and it's not easy, but it is so rewarding. 

Secondly, I'll leave you with a thought - could we ever truly know for certain where the wind will blow us? Can we predict that accurately 100% of the time? Can we tell it where to go?...I don't think it listens very well....so...here's my "Food for Thought." 

FOOD FOR THOUGHT (John 4:32):

John 3:8The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

Let the Spirit inside of you lead you to the answers no matter what life brings, even in transition.  And if you don't have the Spirit inside of you...what are you waiting for? :)

Taking the First Step

Well, I did it, folks. I got a blog. I realized that I have a lot to say about a lot of different things in life...and apparently I think it's a great idea for you to read about it. Who knows why? But, seriously. Social media is the ground on which to have thoughts, to share them and to read about them from others. Facebook, Twitter (I am not a "Twit") and FourSquare (we now like to inform people where we are so we can be further stalked by strangers - go technology!) are just a few examples of how we let people know we ate Lucky Charms for breakfast and saw a squirrel climb a tree now-a-days. While those are amusing, I want this blog to be something of real talk. I may be the one writing, but this blog to be about God, and to be about you and to be about saying something that may help you, make you think, cause you to smile - or just get a good laugh at my random ramblings.


As I said, this blog is a little different. It is the product of a lot of thought, hopefully some time to actually keep up with it and a labor of love to know more, and share more about the Lord.  I won't make it a scholarly "lesson-a-week" thing - I get enough school as it stands! I'll post when I feel the need to, about things that are important to me, and well, hopefully, to you.  I want to bring the Bible to my life. I want to bring my human side to the technological world. How does what Jesus said relate to my life? Well, if you follow in my faith steps, you'll find out.  I'm moving forward in faith, the question now becomes, will you? :)